How many times have we heard someone describe a young man’s decision in life and then say, “But their pre-frontal cortex isn’t developed yet!” This is a phrase that was once discussed in educational and professional environments around neuroscience, but over the years it is a phrase that is getting used far too frequently like it’s the new “get out of jail card” for life.

A 16-year-old ghosts his responsibilities? Pre-frontal cortex. A 17-year-old lies? Pre-frontal cortex. A 19-year-old refuses to apologize, avoids hard conversations, and blames everyone around him? Oh yes… still the pre-frontal cortex.

At this point we use “brain development” the way past generations used “boys will be boys.” It’s a blanket explanation for anything uncomfortable for young men. But here’s the problem: The pre-frontal cortex explains immaturity. It does not explain character flaws.

When we confuse those two categories, we end up raising young adults who grow older, but never grow up. Below are six principles that help parents, and leaders discern the difference.

1. Immaturity is inconsistent; character issues create patterns.

The pre-frontal cortex does impact impulse, planning, and focus, but not consistently. Teens waver. One week they’re helpful, the next they vanish into the digital abyss. That’s normal development.

But when a behavior becomes predictable; lying, avoidance, entitlement, deflection, this isn’t neurological lag, it’s a young person rehearsing a pattern they may carry into adulthood.

Inconsistency = immaturity.
Consistency in the wrong direction = character.

2. Immaturity struggles with impulse; character issues struggle with ownership.

Brain science can explain why a teen makes a dumb decision in the moment. It cannot explain why a teen refuses responsibility for that decision. A teen who says, “Yeah… I messed up,” is immature. A teen who says, “That’s not my fault,” is forming a worldview.

The first grows.
The second calcifies.

This is why parents shouldn’t hide behind neurological language as an excuse. A young man can’t grow from an area he won’t own.

3. Immaturity resists tasks; character issues resist truth.

Most young men hate chores, homework, and anything that requires effort. Friction is part of the species. But when a young man avoids truth, feedback, accountability, honest conversations, that’s not a pre-frontal cortex issue. That’s self-protection becoming a strategy.

Parents, friends and family often misinterpret this as “normal masculine behavior.” It’s not. Truth-resistance is a character trajectory.

4. Immaturity is emotionally loud; character issues grow emotionally flat.

A young man slamming doors, crying, venting, or arguing? That’s actually a positive sign.
It means they still care about outcomes, identity, and relationships—even if they’re terrible at expressing it.

Emotion isn’t the red flag people think it is. Apathy is. When a young man becomes detached, numb, uninvested, or indifferent, that’s not the pre-frontal cortex. That’s a heart that has learned disengagement as a coping mechanism. And disengagement hardens faster than immaturity grows out of anything.

5. Immaturity responds to normal consequences; character issues require relational challenge.

Typical immaturity corrects with simple friction:

• The grade drops – the phone gets taken.
• Speeding – gets a ticket.
• Shows up late – loses their job.

And the next time, they do better.

Character issues don’t respond that way. The consequences land…and nothing changes. This is when friends and family must switch from behavior management to direct, adult conversation: “You’re not just making choices, you’re becoming someone through these choices.” Character forms where clarity meets responsibility.

6. Immaturity maintains connection; character issues fracture relationship.

Even with ups and downs, immature young men reconnect. They still laugh with you, share moments, check in, show warmth. Character issues show up relationally:

• Avoidance
• Hiding
• Closed-off posture
• Interactions that feel like transactions
• Zero vulnerability

Young men who keep pulling away aren’t just being moody, they’re building a self without other close relationships in it. That’s a character project, not a developmental stage.

Why this distinction matters

When friends and family treat immaturity like a character issue, they overreact and hurt the relationship. When friends and family treat character issues like immaturity, they under react and hurt the relationship. And when everything gets blamed on the “pre-frontal cortex,” we accidentally teach young men:

• Your impulses aren’t your fault
• Your choices don’t shape your identity
• Your patterns have no consequences
• Your future will magically sort itself out

It’s the soft bigotry of low expectations wrapped in scientific vocabulary. The irony?
Real neuroscience shows that responsibility, ownership, relationship, correction, and truth are exactly what help the pre-frontal cortex mature. Protecting a young man from consequences and accountability keeps their brain, and character stuck.

The bottom line

Immaturity grows out with time. Character grows only with truth and responsibility. And if friends and family can tell the difference, they can give the young men in their life the right kind of guidance, supportive when it’s development, direct when it’s formation.

BONUS

Here are some helpful questions to help us move from immaturity to character:

1.  Am I making decisions to become the person I want to be 1-5-10 years from now?

2.  Do I feel empowered to make any changes I think would be necessary?

3.  If not, do I know where / how to get help?

4.  Am I surrounding myself with people who are making these questions easier or harder?