motivational word art on textured surface

Why Do We Need to Prove We’re Okay?

There is something strange about the way human beings respond when someone questions our character. We want people to think we’re good parents, good spouses, good employees, good friends, and generally decent human beings. And when someone suggests otherwise, something inside us immediately starts building a defense to prove we’re okay.

WE WEREN’T CREATED TO PROVE OUR WORTH

The opening chapters of Genesis describe a world where Adam and Eve have nothing to prove. They have meaningful work and a meaningful relationship with one another. They are enjoying God’s creation and His provision. And Genesis 2:25 tells us they were naked and unashamed!

Can you imagine? There’s no need to impress anyone. They didn’t have to try and earn God’s acceptance through their accomplishments. Their identity and security were rooted in their relationship with their Creator.

But then Genesis 3 happens. Humanity decides we want God’s creation without God’s authority. Adam and Eve reject God, and sin fractures everything God created to be good. And almost immediately, something changes about how they see themselves.

AND THEN WE START COVERING OURSELVES

After Adam and Eve eat from the tree, Genesis says: “Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.” Isn’t that interesting? The first thing they do after turning from the Lord is to try to cover themselves up from the Lord. They were naked before, but now they feel exposed, ashamed, and desperately trying to fix it…with leaves!

I’m not sure how much experience Adam had with clothing at this point, but leaves seem like a terrible long-term strategy. Yet, we’ve been doing essentially the same thing ever since. We just have better fig leaves.

Some of us use achievement to prove to others and ourselves that were doing okay. And some use comparison. We know we have problems, but at least our problems aren’t as bad at that person’s problems!

For some people, going to church, volunteer, giving money, helping people, and trying to make the right decisions are just tangible ways for us to prove to ourselves and others that we’re okay. They are all just modern fig leaves!

WHEN COVERING DOESN’T WORK, WE START BLAMING

When God confronts Adam about eating from the tree, Adam responds: “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.” That’s impressive. In one sentence, Adam manages to blame his wife and God!

It’s not just that Adam did something wrong. He now feels the need to explain why it wasn’t entirely his fault. And we aren’t that different today. When someone confronts us, we immediately start looking for the circumstances that explain our behavior like, “I was tired.”

Sometimes our explanations contain legitimate context. But have you noticed how difficult it can be to simply say, “I was wrong.”? No excuses or explanations, just admitting that something is wrong with us. Maybe it’s because admitting we’re wrong threatens the image we’ve worked so hard to maintain? Our achievements are supposed to prove we’re okay. But when someone exposes something wrong, suddenly we have to defend ourselves. And if we can’t defend ourselves, we find someone else to blame.

AND THEN GOD SHOWS UP

One of the most remarkable moments in Genesis 3 happens after Adam and Eve have covered themselves, hidden from the Lord, and blamed one another. Genesis 3:21 says:

“The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife, and clothed them.” Don’t miss who’s doing the covering. God!

Adam and Eve have already tried to cover themselves. Their efforts haven’t solved the problem at all. They still hide when God approaches. And yet, God moves toward them and provides what they cannot provide for themselves. This doesn’t mean their sin has no consequences. They’re still going to leave the garden. But they leave wearing God’s provision. It’s a beautiful picture of grace that prepares us for something even greater.

AND THEN JESUS SHOWS UP

Isn’t it interesting that when Jesus arrives, He confronts the very things humanity has been using to prove we’re okay? He encounters religious leaders who are confident in their morality. Looking righteous isn’t the same as being righteous. In fact, Jesus tells a story in Luke 18 about two men who go to the temple to pray. One is a Pharisee. He thanks God that he isn’t like other people. He points to his fasting and giving. He’s essentially presenting God with his resume’.

The other man is a tax collector. He won’t even lift his eyes toward heaven. Instead, he says, “God, be merciful to me, the sinner!” Jesus says it’s the second man who goes home justified. How’s that possible? One man is trying to convince God he’s okay. The other man admits he isn’t.

And Jesus says the man who stops defending himself is the one who goes home right with God. What? How is that possible? How can a holy God declare sinful people righteous? This is where the gospel becomes extraordinary.

It is at the cross that Jesus takes our sin upon Himself. He bears the judgment we deserve, and through faith in Him, God credits us with Christ’s righteousness. The apostle Paul describes it in 2 Corinthians 5:21, “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.”

We’ve spent our lives trying to prove we’re righteous. Jesus offers us His righteousness instead. That’s an incredible exchange. We bring our sin, our shame, our excuses, and our failed attempts to justify ourselves. Jesus gives us what we could never earn. We don’t have to convince God that we’re better than we really are. We can come to Him admitting exactly who we are because Jesus has already done everything necessary to make us right with God.

NOTHING LEFT TO PROVE

Maybe that’s why we work so hard to prove we’re okay? We know there are things about us that aren’t okay, and we’re afraid of what might happen if we stop defending ourselves. So, we point to our accomplishments, which are really just tired old fig leaves.  

But what if you didn’t have to keep putting on fig leaves? What if you could admit that we were wrong without immediately explaining ourselves? And what if we could stand before God without presenting a single accomplishment as evidence that we deserve His acceptance?

That’s what Jesus offers us. He knows everything we’ve done. He knows the things we’re proud of and the things we hope nobody ever discovers. And instead of asking us to prove we’re righteous, He invites us to receive His righteousness through faith.

webpage of chatgpt a prototype ai chatbot is seen on the website of openai on a smartphone examples capabilities and limitations are shown

What Kind of People Is AI Teaching Us to Become?

  1. Endurance with Problems
  2. Endurance with People
  3. Endurance with Perspective

Millions of 13-years old’s are interacting with AI on a daily basis and as a result their formative years are being shaped and influenced by the frame-work being presented. They aren’t simply AI for help with homework like, “What’s the capital of France?” They are talking to AI about their problems at school. Areas of life where they are worried. Conversations with a friend that didn’t end as expected. And AI will have an answer for every question or thought presented!

Which raises a question, “How is AI shaping the next generation?” I can imagine at least three areas that are worth watching: 

1. Endurance with Problems. This concern isn’t new for Gen Z and Gen Alpha. We already see patterns where young people are struggling to navigate problems. Most parenting books written today are trying to encourage parents to stop solving problems for their children. 

When my kids were in middle school in Austin, TX, counselors would describe their ideal school environment as an “island of safety.” I remember asking them, “Island of Safety for Middle Schoolers?” It felt ambitious! I would ask my kids, “Do you feel like your school is an Island of Safety?”  They would laugh!  

After all, it’s middle school! Our kids still saw kids picking on other kids, making fun of other kids, and they said it was something the students would make fun of when it was referenced. 

What if instead of promising children an Island of Safety we told children, “Life is hard!” Sometimes our friends are going to hurt us. Many times, accidentally, but sometimes intentionally. It doesn’t mean we tolerate abuse and cruelty but childhood can be a time to learn how to navigate the difficult parts of life. 

And it makes me wonder what happens when the AI chat bots become our new Island of Safety we turn to for comfort and security? What happens when children learn from a young age that discomfort in life means we withdraw and seek safety so that we can find relief?

If that pattern is repeated often enough a person’s world will get smaller, and a person’s confidence will get weaker because the person is learning to avoid discomfort instead of persevere. 

2. Endurance with People. Another concern I see creeping into our culture through the use of AI is that we will become fatigued by one another. AI is incredibly easy to engage. The communication level is becoming more human. And, most of all, AI is really good at listening!

AI doesn’t have anywhere else to be in that conversation. There are no distractions competing for its attention. It is able to fully listen, even if our communication is clumsy, disordered, or rambling. AI is with us every step of the way. 

Then, imagine those moments when you talk to a friend and they are looking at their phone, interrupting, struggling to understand, laughing at moments that weren’t meant to be funny. Who wants to go through that experience? Or, who wants to pick up the phone and talk to their parents about something difficult? 

Some of my best relationships in life have been built out of clumsy communication. There are memories of people sticking with me when I couldn’t explain myself fully. And, moments when people have left a conversation and misunderstood what I was trying to communicate. Yes, it can be fatiguing, but it is also a beautiful part of how we build relationships with one another. 

That makes me wonder, “When is the younger generation going to develop those communication muscles?” Where will they learn to become curious when they don’t understand? What about persevering through a challenging conversation? Or, will they conclude these relationships aren’t worth the effort? 

3. Endurance with Perspective. Lastly, this might be obvious in light of the first two, but AI is extraordinarily certain in a conversation. If a question is asked, “Why I am frustrated with my friend?” AI will give us an answer within seconds! Will it be accurate? Maybe? But, overall, AI gives the impression that the listener now has a complete view about a particular situation.

But every answer in life comes from a specific framework and AI isn’t always forthright about the framework shaping its responses. Therefore, when it comes to conversations around morality, politics, economics, theology, or sociology, the chat bot will provide a concise and confident response. 

Therefore, it’s possible a whole generation is being raised with a reference tool of one specific view on life without even realizing there are other frameworks or perspectives to consider. The danger isn’t getting a wrong answer. It’s becoming certain too quickly!

Endurance with perspective is the ability to remain curious long enough to seriously consider other viewpoints. But my concern is that AI will lead us to a place where we become less open-minded, because the “facts” have been laid out in seconds. 

Conclusion

For me, as a pastor walking around the Domain in Austin, TX, my concern isn’t AI is going to take our jobs or make us lazy. My concern is that we are being indoctrinated in ways we can’t even see. And, a young person is going to have this experience in the most formative years of their life. 

But, maybe like any generation of young people, maybe they will rebel? Maybe in 10-15 years we will see a generation swinging in the opposite direction? Maybe they will be looking and longing for an Island of Chaos, because the world feels too ordered around them?

What We Could Never Build

Here in North Austin, near the Domain, we are surrounded by things people have built. It is easy to see new apartments, businesses, technology, and opportunity going up around us. Much of it is genuinely good. But a good life can quietly train us to believe that we don’t really need God. Maybe we can create a good marriage, healthy children, growing career, and a little financial breathing room on our own? Doing life on our own is part of the discomfort in Genesis 4:17–26.

Cain’s family is not portrayed as sitting around doing nothing. They build a city, develop agriculture, create music, forge tools from bronze and iron. It’s impressive.  There is real ingenuity, beauty, production, and progress taking place. On the surface, it can look like humanity is doing just fine apart from the Lord. And that raises an honest question: if people can build meaningful, successful lives without following Jesus, why do we need Him?

Success Cannot Hold Us Together

The answer is not that every person who does not know God will immediately fall apart. Genesis will not let us say that. God is too gracious. He is too patient. He still gives gifts, sustains life, and allows people to make beautiful things, even when they ignore Him. But the passage also shows us that human achievement can’t heal the human heart.

After all the building, creating, and advancing, we meet Lamech. Lamech turns violence into a song. He shows us what accomplishment can’t fix: the pride, fear, anger, and desire for control that lives beneath the surface. We may not write songs about revenge, but we know the impulse. Someone wounds us, and something in us wants to make them pay. We may not say it out loud. We may simply replay the conversation in our head, but deep down we start to keep a record or pull away, so that a life can look impressive externally and still feel unsettled internally.

Jesus Offers a Different Way

Genesis 4 gives us a sharp contrast. Lamech responds to a wound with limitless vengeance. Later, Peter asks Jesus how often he should forgive someone who sins against him. Peter suggests seven times. Jesus answers with language that intentionally turns Lamech’s words upside down: not retaliation without limit, but forgiveness without limit.

Jesus isn’t simply telling us to try harder and be better people than Lamech. We can’t! It’s why in Matthew 18 Jesus follows up those words with a parable about a servant and a king. The servant is in great debt to the king and the king forgives the servant!  Therefore, the gospel begins when we realize that we have our own debts before God, things we have done, things we have said, and ways we have put ourselves at the center. It is at the cross, Jesus absorbs our debt. He cancels the debt we could never repay, and when we begin to understand how much we have been forgiven, we are slowly freed from living as debt collectors with everyone else. It’s why Jesus says, “Come to Me.”

What Is at the Center?

Genesis 4 ends with a different family line and a simple, hopeful phrase: people began to call on the name of the Lord. The passage begins with the names of Cain’s descendants. It ends with the name of the Lord. That does not mean careers, families, technology, art, or ambition are wrong. They are gifts. We can build good things, we just don’t want those things to become the center of our lives.

When Jesus is at the center, our accomplishments no longer have to sustain us. And, our relationships no longer have to hold us together. Our children no longer have to define us. Even a church doesn’t have to become impressive for our lives to matter. It’s because in Jesus, we already have what we could never build for ourselves: His name, His family, His presence, and a home that lasts.

Here is a question worth sitting with this week:

If this disappeared tomorrow, would I lose something I enjoy—or would I lose who I am?

Whatever comes to mind may be a good gift. But it may also be asking to sit in a place only Jesus can hold. Let us receive God’s gifts with open hands. And let us keep calling on the name of the Lord!

The Longing to be Known

There is something in us that wants to be seen, known and understood. We want someone who notices when something is wrong before we have to explain it. The comfortable feeling of not having to try to impress others. And, the longing for someone to understand our quirks.  A person who has seen our worst, and somehow still wants to be around us.

Isn’t that one of the things we love about a great friendship or marriage? And yet, at the same time, we spend an incredible amount of energy making sure people don’t know too much about us. 

We tend to tell the parts of our story that make us look the way we want others to see us. When people ask, “How are you doing?” We give generic answers like, “Great!” Honestly, who knows if we’re great. It doesn’t matter. It’s just this tension inside of us wanting to be known and at the same time keeping people at a distance.

WE WERE CREATED TO BE KNOWN

The opening chapters of Genesis describe something that is almost difficult for us to imagine. Genesis 2:25 says:

“And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

Obviously, the verse is describing physical nakedness, but there’s something bigger happening. It’s a relationship where there is nothing to hide. A relationship without shame or pretending. No wondering, “If you knew this about me, would you still love me?” They are completely exposed and completely safe.

That’s the kind of relationship humanity was created to experience, one with God and with others. But then Genesis 3 enters into the story. Humanity decides we want God’s creation without God’s authority. Adam and Eve reject God, and sin fractures everything God created to be good.

AND THEN WE START HIDING

Immediately after Adam and Eve eat the fruit, Genesis says: “Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked.” And what do they do? They cover themselves with fig leaves. Then when they hear God walking in the garden, they hide.

Before sin, naked and unashamed. After sin, cover and hide. Nothing about the human body changed between Genesis 2 and Genesis 3, but something changed inside of them. For the first time, humanity experiences shame and fear, and we’ve been covering ourselves ever since. 

Today, we just have better fig leaves. We can cover ourselves with success, romance, money, accomplishment, or even the image we present to other people. Shopping and entertainment can become ways to distract ourselves from things we’d rather not face.

Even religion can become a modern-day fig leaf. We can learn to say the right things, make the right choices, and present ourselves in a way that keeps anyone from looking too closely. The fig leaves have changed, but the instinct hasn’t. We still want to cover the parts of ourselves we’re afraid for others to see.

AND THEN GOD SHOWS UP

One of my favorite moments in Genesis 3 happens immediately after Adam and Eve hide. God calls out to Adam: “Where are you?” Obviously, God isn’t wandering around the garden wondering where Adam went. He knows. That’s what makes the question so powerful. Adam is hiding from Someone who already knows where he is, and God still moves toward him.

This is why Jesus is so important. When Jesus arrives, He knows our souls are longing to be known. In John 4, Jesus meets a woman at a well. She has a complicated story. Jesus knows it. He knows about her past. He knows the parts of her story she probably wouldn’t lead with when meeting someone new. And yet Jesus sits down and talks with her.

That’s what makes Jesus so different. Most of us think: If you really knew me, you might not love me. Jesus reverses that fear. He already knows us, and He moves toward us anyway. There is nothing we’re going to confess that causes Jesus to say: “Wait. You did what?” Jesus knows the parts of our story we’ve worked really hard to keep hidden. And He still went to the cross for us.

TO BE FULLY KNOWN

Maybe that’s why we want someone to really know us? We were created for a kind of relationship where we could be completely known without hiding. Sin made us afraid of that.

So, now we spend our lives looking for people who will know us while simultaneously making sure they don’t know too much. But Jesus offers something different. He doesn’t ask us to convince Him that we’re doing great. He already knows how we’re doing! He knows when we’re afraid. He knows we’re faking and really ashamed. He knows when we are trying to keep areas of our life covered up. And He hasn’t moved away. 

In fact, He’s moving toward us right now. It’s because the thing we’ve been looking for all along isn’t someone who thinks we’re impressive. It’s someone who knows exactly who we are and still says: “Come to Me.”

What We Love About Nostalgia

Have you had those moments when you hear a song we haven’t heard in 20 years and suddenly we’re back in high school? What about when you drive through an old neighborhood and slow down to look at the house where we grew up? We love nostalgia!

We love to pull out pictures from when our children were little and wonder where all the time went. There are things we say like, “Those were the good old days!” Or, we somehow look back on those days and only remember the sweet moments? There is something strange about the way human beings think about going back to a time when life was simpler.

What is it about home or a previous time in life that pulls on us? Surely, our longing for home is about more than a house or a city. Doesn’t it feel like somewhere deep within the human experience is a longing to return to a time where everything was familiar?

WE WERE CREATED WITH A HOME

The opening chapters of Genesis describe humanity at home. Adam and Eve are in a garden created by God. It’s in those pages we see meaningful work. They have everything they need. In fact, Scripture says they were “naked and unashamed.” Sounds like a good time!

We don’t see people worrying about bills or making up stories to impress their friends. There’s nobody visiting the hospital or counting calories. In fact, we don’t even see conversations about those things because everything is perfect. They are home.

But then Genesis 3 happens. Humanity decides we want God’s creation without God’s authority. Adam and Eve reject God, and sin fractures everything God created to be good. By the end of Genesis 3, God sends Adam and Eve out of the garden. Genesis says:

“Therefore the LORD God sent him out from the garden of Eden…”

And then the language gets even stronger:

“He drove out the man…”

God places cherubim and a flaming sword at the entrance, guarding the way to the tree of life. Adam and Eve can’t just turn around and go back, so that from that point forward humanity has lost its home.

WE KEEP TRYING TO GO BACK

I am sure there are some people who will be dismissive to those words in Genesis because the Bible is supposed to be outdated, archaic, and unable to relate to the challenges of modern people today, but we can’t deny the inner desire we have to go back. 

We love movies like Back to the Future. They resonate with our souls, because we love the possibility of being to go back. We love the idea of watching movies about history, and we love thinking about our friends from childhood and wondering, “What ever happened to so and so?”

Twenty-One Pilots has a hit song called “Stressed Out” and in the song there is a lyric that says:

Wish we could turn back time to the good old days
When our mama sang us to sleep, but now we’re stressed out
Used to play pretend, give each other different names
We would build a rocket ship, and then we’d fly it far away
Used to dream of outer space, but now they’re laughin’ at our face
Sayin’, “Wake up, you need to make money, ” yeah

Is it just people overwhelmed by stress? Maybe? But all those moments will allow us to remember a part of our story, but those memories never actually take us home. Maybe it’s because what we’re longing for isn’t really the old house, the old neighborhood, or the simpler season? Maybe we’re longing for what those things represent?

Skyler Grey wrote a song called, “Coming Home.”  In the song there are lyrics of wanting to go home to a place that was familiar and safe. It was a part of life where one would find rest and belonging.

A place where everything and everyone we love is finally where they’re supposed to be. And no matter how hard we try, we can’t quite get there, but Genesis 3 tells us why. It’s because we’re all living east of Eden.

HOME ISN’T JUST A PLACE

There’s also another problem. Even if we could somehow recreate everything exactly the way it used to be, it still wouldn’t completely satisfy us. Because the deepest loss in Genesis 3 wasn’t a garden or a location. Our deepest loss is the presence of God.

Adam and Eve didn’t merely lose beautiful scenery. They were driven away from the place where they had experienced unhindered life with their Creator. That’s the exile underneath all our other exiles. And humanity has been trying to find its way home ever since.

We begin by chasing after that best friend, and for a season a best friend can be incredibly meaningful. But inevitably there’s going to be cracks and fractures in those friendships that leave us in a place of loss.  As we get older we will try to replicate those pursuits with romantic relationships, goals and career objectives, but again, each of those will be met with different challenges.

Studies show that millennials love experiences. They coined the phrase FOMO because they didn’t want to miss out anything life has to offer. There’s nothing wrong with chasing after experiences, but inevitably those experiences will always leave us chasing after another experience. Because if our deepest problem is separation from God, changing our address won’t solve it. 

AND THEN JESUS SHOWS UP

This is what makes the words of Jesus so interesting. In John 14, Jesus tells His disciples that He is going to prepare a place for them. Thomas responds with the question humanity has been asking since Genesis 3: “How can we know the way?” And Jesus answers: “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.”

Think about that. Humanity has been driven from the garden. The way back is guarded. We can’t become moral, successful, or religious enough to get back. And then Jesus says: “I am the way.” He doesn’t simply give us directions home.

Jesus becomes the way home. Genesis 3 ends with humanity being sent away because of our sin. At the cross, Jesus takes our sin upon Himself. He experiences rejection, suffering, death, and cries out, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” In that moment, Jesus enters our exile so that exiles like us can be brought home.

The Way Home

The home we’re looking for isn’t our childhood house, or a memory of an easier part of life. We were created for life with God, and ever since Genesis 3 humanity has been trying to find its way home.

The next time an old song takes you back, or you drive through the old neighborhood and wish you could have that moment one more time, don’t be surprised by the ache. Maybe it’s a reminder that we were made to be at home with God? That’s the surprising hope of Jesus. We spend so much of our lives wishing we could go back, but Jesus doesn’t promise to take us backward. He promises to bring us home to the Father.

What’s Crouching at Your Door?

Most of us don’t wake up one morning and decide to blow up our lives. We don’t suddenly decide to destroy a friendship, become bitter toward our spouse, compromise our integrity, or walk away from God.

Usually, it happens slowly. Someone from work doesn’t something to hurt us. We replay the events in our head over and over. Then, we interpret motives and characterize the person based on those interpretations.

Eventually, hurt becomes resentment. Resentment begins to feel justified. And before long, we find ourselves saying or doing things we never imagined we would do. This patterns is consistent throughout all of humanity.

Something Is Crouching at the Door

We see this progression in one of the earliest stories in the Bible. In Genesis 4, Cain and his brother Abel both bring offerings to God. God regards Abel and his offering, but He doesn’t regard Cain and his offering.

Cain becomes angry and discouraged, but what happens next is fascinating. God moves toward Cain. He asks: “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?” God already knows the answer. He’s inviting Cain to look below the surface at his emotions and motivations.

“Why are you angry?

And why has your countenance fallen?”

Then God warns him: “Sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.” That’s a disturbing picture. Sin isn’t presented as an innocent object sitting beside the road waiting for Cain to stumble across it. It’s pictured like a predator crouching at the door.

“Sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.”

Cain has a decision to make. And tragically, Cain doesn’t listen. His anger progresses into murder and he kills his brother Abel.

The Progression Usually Starts Small

Cain’s story is extreme, but the progression is painfully familiar. Maybe someone really did hurt you? The hurt itself isn’t imaginary, but then you start dwelling on it. You replay the conversation while you’re driving. Or, you imagine what you should have said? it all starts with –

  • HURT
  • DESIRE
  • PASSION
  • DEATH

It is at the passion layer of our soul that we begin to justify and dehumanize a person so that we feel our action of withdrawal, gossip, slander, or violence is justified. This is how sin crouches at our door and masters us!

That’s why one of the most courageous prayers we can pray is the prayer of Psalm 139, “Search me, O God, and know my heart.” Not just, “God, show me what they’re doing wrong.” “God, show me what’s happening inside me.”

God Keeps Moving Toward Cain

But there’s another pattern in Cain’s story that is easy to miss. Cain keeps moving away from God, but God keeps moving toward Cain. In Genesis 4 we see the Lord asking questions, following up, pressing in, and every time Cain pushes Him away. Even when Cain is facing the consequences of what he’s done, God still extends mercy toward him.

Cain’s tragedy isn’t that nobody warned him. Cain’s tragedy is that he wouldn’t listen. And that’s where Cain’s story becomes our story. We like to imagine ourselves as Abel, the innocent person being hurt by all the Cains of the world.

But if we’re honest, we are more familiar with Cain. We know what it’s like to hold onto bitterness. We know what it’s like to use words to hurt someone. And, we know what it’s like to justify what’s happening inside us. It’s because sin has crouched at all of our doors!

Jesus Comes Toward People Like Cain

That’s why Jesus is such good news. God didn’t wait for us to clean ourselves up and find our way back to Him. He came to us. Jesus took on flesh and drew near to people who were far from God. At the cross, He took our sin upon Himself.

Genesis says Abel’s blood cried out from the ground for justice. But Hebrews 12:24 says the blood of Jesus “speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.” It’s because Jesus blood cries out for mercy. At the cross, we see both: God’s justice against sin and God’s mercy toward sinners.

Jesus stood in our place and took the judgment we deserved so that people like Cain, and people like us, could receive forgiveness and life. That means we don’t have to hide what’s going on below the surface. We don’t have to pretend we’re not bitter, or pretend we’re not angry. Jesus already knows, and He came toward us anyway.

It’s because of Jesus, we don’t have to sit in the betrayal of the friend who hurt us and pretend what happened was okay. We can trust God with justice and know there is forgiveness available to all who call on His name!

Don’t Make Cain’s Mistake

Genesis 4 eventually tells us that Cain “went out from the presence of the LORD.” That’s the tragedy. God moved toward Cain and Cain moved away from the Lord. So when God begins exposing something crouching at our door, let’s not make Cain’s mistake. Let’s turn to Him. Let’s invite Him into the darkest parts of our soul, because we know He isn’t coming for condemnation. He’s coming for freedom!

Why Do We Keep Thinking Life Should Be Easier?

There is something strange about the way human beings think about challenges in life. We know life is hard. We have experienced difficult relationships, financial pressure, health problems, disappointing careers, aging parents, challenging children, and circumstances that didn’t work out the way we hoped.

And yet, somewhere in the back of our minds, we keep thinking: eventually life is going to get easier. As a student we think, “I just need to make it through this semester.” When we are parents we think, “I just need to make it through this stage.” And, in all of life we think, “I just need to make it to the weekend or my next vacation.”

But have you noticed that we never seem to arrive? There is always something else that is going to create challenges and yet we have this quirky part of our personality that keeps expecting life to be easy.

LIFE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS HARD

The opening chapters of Genesis give us an interesting picture of life. Genesis 1–2 describes a world created by God where everything is perfect. There is work, but work isn’t frustrating. Somehow relationships and responsibilities are easy and seamlessly flow from one thought to the next. 

Adam is placed in the garden to work and care for it. But then Genesis 3 happens. In that moment, humanity decides we want God’s creation without God’s authority, and sin fractures everything God created to be good.

God tells Adam: “Cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.” And then: “Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you.” Something has changed. Adam will still work. But now his work will fight back.

He will plant something he wants and something he doesn’t want will grow alongside it. Have you noticed we don’t have to fertilize weeds? They just grow! They thrive! Nobody walks into the backyard and says, “Come look at all my crabgrass!” That’s still our experience today with every part of life!

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THORNS

There are going to be seasons we work really hard on our marriage and conflict still shows up. Raising children can be a blast, but there’s no secret method. It’s going to be hard! Eating healthy and working out is always good for our bodies, but it can all be wiped out in a few weeks the moment we stop. It’s because thorns and thistles in life are going to show up!

We know this is a part of life, and yet we keep believing we’re one change away from finally escaping them. There is this sneaky thought in our head that the next job or next relationship is going to make it all better.

There’s nothing wrong with improving our circumstances in life. Sometimes we really do need to make changes. But eventually the new circumstances develop their own thorns, and that’s the tension in life.

WE KEEP TRYING TO FIND EDEN

Think about how much of life is organized around the pursuit of comfort. We genuinely believe if we made more money life would be easier. The allure of the next phase of technology is always giving us this illusion that our life could be easier.

How many mattress commercials have we seen where they prey upon our fatigue, exhaustion, and restlessness of our soul, and then say, “You need the next great mattress that will fix everything?”

Again, none of those things are necessarily bad. The problem is what we expect from them. We keep thinking: maybe this will finally give me rest. And sometimes it does. For a while that vacation can be just what we needed. The new house will give us the space we have been wanting for our family. But, then something happens! Another thorn pops up that ruins it all and it feels like we have to start all over.

AND THEN JESUS SHOWS UP

Isn’t it interesting that Jesus enters a world full of exhausted people and says, “Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” It’s almost as though Jesus is speaking directly into this ancient longing humanity has carried since Genesis 3.

We say, “I’m tired.” Jesus says, “Come to Me.” We say, “I just need life to settle down.” Jesus says, “Come to Me.” We say, “I just want some rest.” Jesus says, “Come to Me…and I will give you rest. Notice what Jesus doesn’t say. He doesn’t say, “Come to Me and I’ll make your life easy, remove difficulty, never get sick, and remove all those thorns from our life.” Jesus offers rest without promising ease, which is an important distinction. The rest Jesus offers isn’t the absence of difficult circumstances. It’s life with Him in the middle of those circumstances.

LIFE IS STILL GOING TO BE HARD

Following Jesus doesn’t take us out of Genesis 3. There are still thorns and thistles with Jesus. There are still nights when we wake up at 3 a.m. and suddenly our brain decides this is the perfect time to solve every problem in our life.

But the gospel changes how we walk through those moments. In Christ, we don’t have to know how everything is going to turn out and know the answer to fix every person. Sometimes we are going to cry out in bold prayers and sometimes it will feel like nothing is changing.

But, because we are with Jesus we can walk through those circumstances and we can wait on Him and His will to be accomplished in our life, because we’re with Jesus. The follower of Jesus is only going to find so much rest in the comforts that this world has to offer. Our ultimate rest comes through faith in Jesus as we rest in Him. 

MAYBE COMFORT ISN’T WHAT WE’RE REALLY LOOKING FOR

So why do we keep thinking life should eventually get easier? Maybe because we were made for something this world, in its present condition, cannot give us. We were made for life with God without thorns.

Genesis tells us why the thorns came. And Jesus shows up offering the thing we’ve been trying to manufacture ever since. One day, Jesus will remove the thorns completely. The curse will be gone and all things will be made new.

But until then, maybe we can stop being surprised that life is difficult? Maybe we can stop believing we’re one circumstance away from finally arriving at comfort. And maybe the next time life gets difficult, instead of immediately asking, “How do I make this go away?” We can also ask, “How do I walk through this with Jesus and wait on Him?”

Why Do We Want to Live Forever?

There is something strange about the way human beings think about death. We know we’re going to die. Nobody is surprised by this information, and yet something deep within humanity keeps reaching for life. Why is that?”

One would think going to a funeral would be a big clue, or the fact that we see ourselves aging over the years. And yet, we spend an incredible amount of time, energy, and money trying not to die.

David Sinclair, a genetics professor at Harvard Medical School and prominent longevity researcher, has even discussedthe possibility that advances in aging research could dramatically extend human lifespan. Think about that. We aren’t just trying to live healthier. We’re trying to figure out how to keep living.

In addition, it doesn’t take too many conversations with friends to hear them talk about taking supplements, drinking shakes, and trying any new fad to help them prolong death as much as possible. 

We monitor our blood pressure, cholesterol, heart rate, sleep cycles, steps, calories, and whatever else our watch decides we should be worried about today. None of those things are bad, and taking care of our bodies is good. But, why is everyone so determined to stay alive?

DEATH ISN’T NORMAL

Sometimes people will say at a funeral, “Death is just a natural part of life.” But we don’t really believe that do we? If death is simply natural, why do we fight it so hard? Why does the death of someone we love feel so wrong? Maybe it’s because somewhere deep within the human experience, we know death isn’t the way things are supposed to be. 

The opening chapters of Genesis tell a very different story about death than our culture often does. Genesis 1–2 describes humanity living in God’s creation with access to life for eternity. There’re no texts from a family member in the middle of the night about someone going to the hospital. Everything is perfect! But, then Genesis 3 happens and sin fractures everything God created to be good.

One of those consequences is that death is coming, “For you are dust and dust you shall return.” Genesis doesn’t ask us to make peace with death by pretending death is beautiful. Genesis says death is an enemy. Something has gone terribly wrong and death is like an alarm to humanity going off, “Something is wrong.”

DEATH IS COMING

Maybe that explains something about humanity? We were created for life, so that even though we know death is coming, we are trying our hardest to live as long as possible, so that we don’t have to think about the inevitable. 

Obviously, there is nothing wrong with going to the doctor or exercising. Please go to the doctor. But underneath our efforts to extend life is an interesting human longing: we don’t want this to end. But Genesis 3 keeps ringing the alarm: death is coming. 

AND THEN JESUS SHOWS UP

Isn’t it interesting that when Jesus shows up He largely talks about life? It’s like He knows the longings of our soul! Jesus could talk about so many different subjects but instead He makes bold claims like, “I am life!”

In fact, Jesus confronts death at the cross and 3 days later conquers death. Jesus doesn’t simply offer people advice about how to make the most of the years they have left. He doesn’t give helpful tips on how to live life. Instead, Jesus says, “I know where you can find life!”

Elsewhere Jesus describes Himself as the bread of life. In a conversation with a woman Jesus offers living water. It’s almost as though Jesus keeps speaking directly into this ancient longing humanity has carried since Genesis 3.

We say: “I don’t want to die.” Jesus says: “Come to Me and you can live.” We have a longing for something that lasts and Jesus says, “Come to Me and you will find everlasting life.” Genesis 3 says humanity will return to the dust, so Jesus goes into the grave, the very thing humanity has spent its entire existence trying to escape, and He rises from the dead.

DEATH IS STILL COMING

Death is still real and painful, but now through faith in Jesus, death is no longer final. This doesn’t mean followers of Jesus can stop caring about their health. It doesn’t mean we don’t grieve at funerals. But followers of Jesus can walk into those moments with a different kind of hope.

Our hope isn’t: “I’m sure the doctor will give me good news.” Our hope is: “Whatever the doctor tells me, I’m with Jesus.” We can pray boldly for healing in scary moments because we believe God is powerful enough to heal, but we can also wait confidently in those moments when He doesn’t heal.

Christian hope isn’t confidence that everything will work out the way we want. It’s confidence that Jesus has already determined how the story ultimately ends. That’s why a follower of Jesus can grieve deeply and still have hope. We aren’t pretending death doesn’t hurt. We’re declaring that death doesn’t win.

Everything We Really Want is Also Really Hard

Most people want meaningful relationships, but relationships take work. Many of us want children, but parenting can bring some of the deepest joy and deepest pain of our lives. We want meaningful work, but work can exhaust us. We want community, but then we discover community involves people…and people are messy! Why is that?

Genesis 3 Gives Us the Answer

In Genesis 1–2, God creates the world and calls it good. Adam and Eve are created in His image, brought together as husband and wife, and given meaningful work. Everything is as it should be.

Then sin enters the story. By Genesis 3:16, God tells the woman: “I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children; yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Suddenly the very things God created as good become difficult.

Something Isn’t Right

Pain in childbirth isn’t God randomly deciding to make life miserable. It’s His judgment and our sin has consequences. But it isn’t final judgment. Adam and Eve are still alive. God is still speaking to them. Children will still be born. Marriage still exists. God’s purposes for humanity haven’t disappeared. Even in judgment, there is grace.

But, the difficulty in humanity becomes an alarm ringing through creation: Something isn’t right. We weren’t created to live apart from God. That’s one reason the things we love can sometimes become the places of our greatest frustration. We keep discovering that we can’t make life work exactly the way we want it to. And sometimes that difficulty is the very thing God uses to draw us back to Himself.

Even Our Pain Can Point Us Home

One verse earlier, in Genesis 3:15, God had promised that the woman’s offspring would eventually defeat the serpent. Then, thousands of years later, the Apostle Paul writes:

“God sent His Son, born of a woman.” (Galatians 4:4)

Do you see it? The very place where we see the consequences of sin becomes the place through which God brings forth the One who becomes the answer to our sin. His name is Jesus!

Why We Keep Finding a Better Way to Follow Jesus

In a previous blog we discussed different types of spiritual formation to help us sharpen our faith as followers of Jesus. You can find that entry HERE and HERE.

I’ve noticed an interesting pattern among followers of Jesus regarding these areas of spiritual formation. We discover an approach to a spiritual formation that seems to provide something we’ve been missing. In the beginning, we’re excited about this new discovery. We experience some vitality in our spiritual life. We discover some areas of our spiritual life that were neglected. It’s great!

But, then eventually we discover its weaknesses. Soon we become disappointed. And sometimes we begin looking down on the very thing that once helped us. But, then we discover something new and the process starts all over again. It can be exhausting!

“This Is What I’ve Been Missing”

John Mark Comer is an author who has recently become popular. Most of his writings are around monastic parts of our faith, so Comer is tapping into the part of the soul that feels hurried, exhausted, stressed, and anxious. Enter Comer!

There’s nothing inherently wrong about creating some structures to our life where we practice spiritual discipline of solitude, fasting and hearing from the Lord. It’s a consistent part of our faith throughout Scripture.

But give it a few years. Eventually those practices will start to feel like a normal part of our faith. Sometimes we mistake the energy of discovery for the power of the practice. And, it’s possible those practices could lose some of their vitality, so that over time we can get stuck in this cycle of jumping from one spiritual formation to the next and not actually growing in our faith.

Discovery Isn’t the Problem

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with discovering another Christian tradition. In fact, it can be incredibly healthy. Sometimes another part of the church has been preserving something our tradition neglected.

A doctrinal Christian might genuinely need to rediscover prayer. A revival Christian might genuinely need to rediscover ordinary faithfulness. A contemplative Christian might need to rediscover mission. A justice-oriented Christian might need deeper theological foundations. A relational Christian might need solitude. We should be able to learn from each other.

The problem isn’t discovering something new. The problem is the story we sometimes tell ourselves afterward. “I used to believe that because I was immature. Now I understand what Christianity is really supposed to be.” That’s where spiritual growth can quietly become spiritual pride. 

We Rewrite Our Own Spiritual History 

Instead of saying: “My doctrinal background gave me a deep love for Scripture, but I needed to grow in prayer and dependence upon the Spirit.” We say: “I grew up in dead evangelicalism or my revival background focused too much on experience and emotion.”

Instead of receiving something new as an addition, we use it as an indictment of what came before. Then something interesting happens. We compare the best version of our new discovery with the worst version of our previous tradition. Of course, the new thing wins. Until we stay around long enough to discover its problems too. Then the cycle begins again. 

Spiritual Formation Can Become Something We Consume

I wonder if there’s something deeper happening. We can end up becoming consumers of spiritual formation itself. We’re constantly searching for the teacher, church, book, practice, experience, theology, podcast, or system that will finally produce the Christian life we’ve been looking for. And every new discovery gives us something…NEW!

New ways of understanding problems we’ve felt but couldn’t explain. For a while, it’s energizing. Then the novelty wears off. And eventually we’re left with the same basic problem: ourselves.

No approach to spiritual formation eliminates sin, suffering, unanswered prayers, disappointment and unanswered prayers. And none eliminates the painfully slow process of becoming more like Jesus. Eventually every system leaves us standing in front of the same invitation Jesus gave to His disciples, “Follow Me.”

Maybe This Is Part of Maturity

Maybe spiritual maturity includes reaching the point where I don’t have to destroy what came before in order to appreciate what I’m discovering now. I can say: “That formed something good in me. This is showing me something I was missing. And neither one is Jesus.” That’s a very different posture.

It allows us to receive something from Christians who emphasize things differently than we do without constantly reconstructing our entire faith around our latest discovery. Maybe spiritual maturity isn’t finally discovering the right spiritual formation system? Maybe it’s becoming mature enough to receive what different parts of the church have to teach us without believing each new discovery has finally solved Christianity?

Because eventually the novelty will wear off. The system will disappoint me. The people will disappoint me. The leaders will disappoint me.  But, Jesus invitation will be the same, “Come to Me, follow Me.”

Every Approach to Spiritual Formation Has a Shadow Side

In a previous blog we discussed different types of spiritual formation to help us sharpen our faith as followers of Jesus. You can find that entry HERE.  

But each spiritual formation also has something about it that can become unattractive.

  • The monastic approach offers something many of us desperately need: peace, depth, and intentionality. But taken too far, spiritual formation can begin to sound like lifestyle management. 
  • Revival Christianity offers an emotional connection with God. God isn’t merely someone we study. He’s alive and actively moving in our life through answered prayers. That’s awesome! But taken too far, spiritual formation can be built around emotion and dramatic encounters with God.  
  • Compassion and justice-centered Christianity reminds us that following Jesus should actually make a difference in how we treat suffering people. That’s desperately needed. But it can also turn spiritual formation into activism and political commitments.
  • Then there’s the doctrinal approach. This is probably the world I know best. Experience and action are important but we need truth, Scripture, and biblical thinking to guide our decisions. But there’s an obvious danger here too. We can become incredibly skilled at evaluating Christianity without becoming particularly skilled at living it.
  • Obedience to God’s Word is important, but it can also become mechanical. Sometimes we can even feel like we are just making a list of rules of what to do and not do, so that we forget the emotional / relational connection to Jesus.
  • Lastly, relational spiritual formation is probably the one that shapes our values the most at North Village Church. We love the idea of people getting to know one another, but it can be overwhelming to open up your life to someone at a deep level.  

Every Path Eventually Costs Something

Maybe that’s what all these approaches ultimately have in common. At first, each offers something attractive.

  • The monastic tradition says, “Wouldn’t you like peace?”
  • Revival says, “Wouldn’t you like to experience God?”
  • Compassion and justice say, “Wouldn’t you like your life to matter?”
  • Doctrine says, “Wouldn’t you like to understand what’s true?”
  • Obedience says, “Wouldn’t you like to develop new habits?”
  • Relational says, “Wouldn’t you like to be genuinely known?”

But keep walking down any of those roads and eventually something changes. Eventually every serious approach to spiritual formation interferes with the life we would naturally choose for ourselves.

The problem isn’t ultimately finding the perfect spiritual formation system. The question is much simpler. Am I actually getting to know Jesus? And, am I helping someone else follow Jesus?

Am I actually getting to know Jesus?

And, am I helping someone else follow Jesus?

Because Jesus didn’t simply invite us to know more, experience more, serve more, or develop better spiritual habits. He said: “Follow me.” And I’m increasingly convinced that one of the best ways to do that is remarkably ordinary: Follow Jesus with other people. Then help someone else do the same.

Conclusion

Maybe the uncomfortable part isn’t always a sign that something has gone wrong? Maybe sometimes it’s the very place where spiritual formation is beginning to do its work.

Silence sounds great until I have to sit with what’s going on inside me. Experiencing God sounds great until I have to trust Him when I don’t feel anything. Compassion sounds great until loving someone costs me something. Knowing truth sounds great until Scripture confronts something I don’t want to change. Obedience sounds great until Jesus asks me to deny myself. Community sounds great until someone knows enough about me to ask a question I would rather avoid.

That’s when we’re tempted to look for something else. But maybe the goal isn’t to keep finding a form of Christianity that feels better. Maybe part of following Jesus is staying long enough for the uncomfortable parts to actually form us.

That doesn’t mean every approach is healthy or that we should never change. It simply means disappointment isn’t always evidence that we chose the wrong path. Sometimes it means we’ve finally reached the part where following Jesus costs us something.

Why Sunday Morning Worship Doesn’t Feel Like A Comedy Show

If you haven’t heard, I dabble in stand-up comedy in Austin, TX as a pastor. It’s been fairly common when other comics see me do well in a comedy set and win over a room they naturally assume I would bring that same style into Sunday morning. In fact, many of them have said, “If you did that on Sunday morning you would see a lot more people attending your church.” Maybe?

But my goal as a pastor isn’t trying to get a lot of people to attend on Sunday morning. My goal as a pastor is to invite people to be known relationally, so that together we can grow closer to Jesus and eventually help someone else do the same.  

Types of Spiritual Formation

Different Christians are drawn to different ways of following Jesus. 

Spiritual FormationInvitationPractical
Monastic Less hurried / stressReordering life around Jesus
RevivalExperienceEncountering power around Jesus
Justice ActionExtending care toward others
DoctrinalKnowing TruthArticulating a worldview
ObedienceSelf-DenialDying to self, living to Jesus
RelationalCommunityBeing known, helping others do the same

Some Christians are drawn toward one approach more than others. It isn’t that one approach is wrong, and another is right. In fairness, most probably involve a little bit of all of them, but it was helpful to me to see them distinguished from one another. 

The Cost of Being Known

There are strengths and weaknesses to all of these spiritual formations, but there is something unique to what we are trying to build at North Village Church. You can practice solitude anonymously, you can attend an incredible worship service anonymously, you can protest injustice anonymously, you can read theology anonymously, and you can deny yourself anonymously.  

But it’s much harder to follow Jesus with someone who actually knows you. Because eventually they ask a question. And then they remember your answer. And then you are left in a space of, “What happens next?”

When that happens, our faith in Jesus starts to intersect with actual life on life and that is both incredibly attractive and incredibly uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable for the person being asked and it is uncomfortable for the person asking the questions because in my experience our lives don’t dramatically change overnight. 

Instead we are all entering into a season of long-suffering with one another as we take multiple “one step forward, two steps back” throughout the life of these relationships. It involves multiple layers of confession, multiple prayers, and sometimes seasons of waiting when we don’t really understand what the Lord is doing in our lives.

The Cost of Knowing Someone Else

And Then It Gets Worse, because eventually spiritual formation at North Village Church isn’t only about people getting involved in our life. North Village Church is wanting to build up a church family that is interested in all of us helping someone else.

This is where our faith in Jesus isn’t only something we consume from others, but we start asking ourselves, “How can I pray, encourage, teach, support, and care for someone?” Someone walked beside me during a painful season, which is great! But also asking, “How can I do that for someone else?”

That’s where a relational approach to spiritual formation becomes “Jesus is doing something in me, and Jesus wants to do something through me.” We need both. Without the first, our faith in Jesus becomes an activity of; schedules, serving, and experiencing without necessarily becoming more like Jesus.

Conclusion

In the end, maybe my comedian friends are right? Maybe I could use some of what I’ve learned in comedy to create more energy on Sunday morning? There’s nothing wrong with that. But winning over a room and forming a people aren’t the same thing. One can happen in ten minutes. The other takes years.

Finding Community in a City Full of People

If you live around The Domain, you probably don’t have to go very far to be around people. You can walk through The Domain on a Saturday night and pass hundreds of people between restaurants, apartments, coffee shops, stores, and sidewalks. 

You can live in an apartment building with people above you, below you, and across the hall, and still not know their names, so that Austin is full of people. But being around people isn’t the same thing as being known by people.

The Local Church

The same thing can happen at a local church. You can show up on Sunday, worship, listen to a message, grab some coffee, and head home without ever really finding your place. That’s one of the reasons serving on a Sunday morning can be so important.

It might look like you’re giving up precious hours that can be used for other areas of your life that need attention, but something else happens when you start showing up for other people: you start becoming part of a community.

Sometimes taking steps to grow spiritually starts with saying yes to a serving opportunity. It is taking a step of ownership in your faith that says, “This isn’t an observational experience. This is a personal investment in an area of my life that is important.”

Most people don’t start serving because they feel passionate about a specific area. In fact, one volunteer described being intimidated when she first started working with children because she was afraid she might say the wrong thing. But then she discovered something freeing: it’s okay not to know everything. She didn’t have to be an expert. She simply needed to be willing to show up, learn, and care about the kids in front of her.

Over time, something started to change. The children began recognizing her with smiles in the hallways. Parents began to engage her more naturally. She shared common experiences with other volunteers. Faces she might have passed with a polite “Good morning” on Sunday mornings became people she knew.

Serving once a month in a particular area didn’t just give her something to do. It gave her people to know, so that there is a difference between attending a worship service on a Sunday morning and being known.

That’s especially meaningful in a city like Austin. People move here for work. Young adults relocate for jobs with companies around The Domain and North Austin. Families arrive without extended family nearby, so that it’s easy for people to build a life here surprisingly quickly while taking much longer to build meaningful relationships.

Church can accidentally become another place we consume as another task to accomplish throughout the week. We find a service we like. We sit in a familiar section. We listen to a message we enjoy. And, we leave, only to get discouraged over time because we don’t feel like we are growing. But the church was never intended to simply be a crowd of people attending the same location at the same time. The local church at her heart is a family. And families know one another.

One technical volunteer described how serving changed his experience of worship: it wasn’t just about what he got out of Sunday morning but what he was able to offer on Sunday morning.

Counting the Cost

Of course, serving costs something. There will be Sundays when you’d rather sleep longer. Sundays when brunch sounds better. Sundays when you arrive at church and think, I really don’t want to do this today. That’s natural!

But serving others doesn’t something to our soul. It reminds us, even briefly, about the needs of others. In that moment, we stop thinking only about what we need and start noticing the people God has placed around us.

And in a city that constantly invites us to ask, “What do I want to do today?”, following Jesus invites us to ask a different question: “Who can I serve today?”  We don’t have to serve the whole city. We don’t have to know everyone at church. We don’t even have to feel particularly gifted. Maybe we just start with one yes? Maybe it starts with learning someone’s name? Maybe it starts with sharing a little of your story? And somewhere along the way, you may discover that you didn’t just find a place to serve. You found a place to belong.

I Have a Hard Time Enjoying the Odyssey

I went to see The Odyssey expecting to watch The Odyssey. That might have been my first mistake. I knew Christopher Nolan wasn’t going to put Homer on the screen word for word. That’s not how movies work. I get that and I am fine with that, but somewhere during the movie I realized I wasn’t simply watching Homer’s story. I was watching Christopher Nolan have a conversation with Homer’s story.

And apparently, I’m the annoying guy sitting a few rows back wanting to raise my hand and say, “I’m sorry, but Homer didn’t say that.” Maybe it’s my age. I’m 51. I’ve lived in Austin long enough to watch this city grow into the global city it is today, and I’ve lived long enough to recognize some of the cultural conversations happening around me.

Modern Values, Ancient Texts

When Penelope talks about how men keep talking about an empty throne when she has essentially been ruling for twenty years, I don’t just hear Penelope. I hear 2026 moral values being pushed into a movie.

In that moment, the screenwriter is using a contemporary conversation about women, power and recognition placed into the mouth of an ancient character. The same thing happens with Odysseus and the Trojan Horse. Homer certainly presents Odysseus as emotionally affected by the Trojan War. But his cunning isn’t something he’s ashamed of in the original story. It’s part of what makes Odysseus a heroic story we still talk about today. 

Nolan gives us something different in 2026. His Odysseus carries the Horse more like a moral burden he must overcome, which is interesting but not exactly Homer. It’s fine if Nolan wants to create a movie that addresses cultural conversations of 2026, but it feels manipulative to attach those values to an ancient story.

My Moral Dilemma

When I’m reading an old book, listening to someone explain the Bible, or hearing someone describe an historical event, my first question is usually something like, “But what did they mean originally?” I want to understand someone within their own categories before importing mine. Apparently, I want filmmakers to do that too. As you can imagine, my wife loves watching movies with me.

In the End

For me, I love stories that allow me to discover what they’re saying. I like realizing ten minutes later, “Oh. That’s what that meant.” But when a character in an ancient story suddenly starts articulating an idea that sounds remarkably similar to a conversation we’re having on social media in Austin right now, I stop seeing Penelope. I get taken out of the moment and the magic of movies is broken!

And maybe that’s the distinction I’ve been missing. My frustration isn’t simply that The Odyssey changed things from Homer. Every adaptation changes things. It’s that Nolan has made a revisionist adaptation of a classical epic.

He doesn’t merely ask, “How can I put Homer’s story on a movie screen?” Instead there are moments he’s asking, “What if we reconsider what Homer thought was heroic?” It’s like, “C’mon Nolan, go make up your own story instead of ripping off Homer.”

A Good Husband Makes His Wife Happy?

I live in Austin, TX and Austin has slowly become the wedding capital of Texas over the years. It might be vineyard in the hill country, a room at the Westin downtown or a bachelorette party at the Domain on a Saturday, but it is pretty common to see wedding events in Austin.

Over the years, I have noticed an increasing pattern of either young man avoiding marriage or feeling overly responsible for loving their wife in marriage. After all, is it possible to love your wife too much?

I am sure it is a version of marriage that sounds beautiful until you realize no human being could possibly pull it off. A husband loves his wife. He sacrifices for her by noticing what she needs. If she wants to talk about her day, he makes himself available to talk about her day. Or, if her car breaks down at 10pm, he gets out of bed and goes to get her. It’s called marriage!

But somewhere along the way, I think we’ve taken that beautiful picture of sacrificial love and added another expectation: a good husband makes his wife happy. But, those aren’t the same thing. And I wonder if the distinction matters more than we realize, particularly for young men trying to imagine marriage.

Marriage Is Going to Cost You

There is no version of a healthy marriage that doesn’t involve sacrifice. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” That’s an incredibly high calling.

Sometimes loving your wife means getting out of bed when you’re tired. And, sometimes it means listening when you’d rather solve the problem. And presumably the wife is learning to love sacrificially too.

The problem comes when sacrificial love quietly becomes responsibility for someone else’s happiness. Those are very different assignments. Imagine a husband and wife disagree about a major financial decision. She wants to buy the house. He doesn’t think they can afford it. He listens to her and takes the conversation serious, but when he looks at the numbers he isn’t comfortable moving forward. This isn’t being dismissive or controlling. This is being involved in a marriage and there is a possibility the wife will be disappointed.

What Does A Husband Do with That?

I think a lot of men have absorbed the idea that her disappointment means something has gone wrong. But there is another possibility. It’s the possibility that a husband can love his wife faithfully and at the same time she can still be disappointed.

A spouse being disappointed isn’t necessarily evidence of failure. The same is obviously true in reverse. That’s what happens when two actual human beings get married. This isn’t an argument for indifference. It’s an argument for realistic expectations that can go the distance to “Till Death Do Us Part?”

Marriage means your spouse’s happiness matters deeply to you. But caring about someone’s happiness and being responsible for someone’s happiness aren’t the same thing. One produces compassion. The other can produce anxiety. If I believe my job is to make my wife happy, then every negative emotion becomes a referendum on my performance.

Young Men Feel This More Than We Realize

I wonder whether this is one small part of why marriage can seem intimidating to some young men. Listen to everything we tell a young man a good husband should be; provide, protect, lead, sacrifice, communicate, emotionally mature, supportive, helpful, engaged, romantic, faithful, growing as a person and remembering every calendar event.

Again, almost everything on that list is good. But now add, “And make sure she’s happy at all times.” It’s an impossible assignment, because eventually she won’t be happy. She’s human! There will be seasons when she’s discouraged. And, at some point in the marriage, there will be things she wants that they can’t afford. The husband might try to solve some of those problems, but eventually there will be problems he can’t solve. That’s true in every meaningful relationship.

The Goal in Marriage Isn’t Happiness. It’s Faithfulness.

There’s an equally important message here for women. Your husband cannot carry the responsibility for your emotional well-being, and you cannot carry his. Marriage isn’t two people constantly monitoring each other’s happiness and adjusting themselves accordingly. It’s two people learning to love each other faithfully.

Sometimes that produces incredible happiness, and sometimes it means getting up in the middle of the night because the other person needs you. But, the question in that moment isn’t necessarily: “How do I make this feeling go away?”

Instead, the better question is: “What does faithfulness look like right now?” That’s a much more sustainable vision of marriage. My wife and I have been married 27-years, and I am increasingly convinced the desire for my wife to be happy has to sit underneath something more important than me.