Tag Archives: worry

technicians in control room operating machinery

Why Do We Need to Be in Control? (Part 6)

There is something strange about how much time human beings spend trying to control things we can’t control. We plan our schedules throughout the year with the expectation that our lives should go accordingly. In fact, there are more apps and devices for every part of our life, so that most of life can just become a continuous pattern of events by just pressing GO!

None of those things are necessarily bad. Planning is a good part of life. But have you noticed how quickly planning can turn into worrying? We create a plan and then we start to worry if our plan is going to work! And sometimes, even after we’ve done everything we can possibly do, we still can’t relax. 

WE WEREN’T CREATED TO BE GOD

The opening chapters of Genesis describe humanity living in God’s good creation. Adam and Eve have meaningful work and responsibilities to care for creation. It’s a pretty good plan! But there is one important distinction. They are responsible for the garden, but they aren’t in control. It is only the Lord who is in control. It is the Lord who defines what is good, provides what they need, and invites them to enjoy His creation under His control.

But then Genesis 3 happens. The serpent approaches Eve and begins questioning God’s instructions. He suggests that God is withholding something good from them. And then he makes an extraordinary promise by suggesting, “You can be like God, knowing good and evil.” Think about that.

Adam and Eve already live in paradise, and everything they need. But apparently, being perfection isn’t enough. They want to be like God. They want the authority to determine good and evil for themselves rather than trusting the One who created them. And humanity has been struggling with that temptation ever since.

WE STILL WANT TO BE GOD

Obviously, most of us don’t walk around telling people that we want to be God. That would make Thanksgiving a little uncomfortable. But think about how often we act as though everything depends on us.

We even want to be in control and when things don’t go according to plan, we get frustrated. Sometimes we lie awake at three in the morning trying to solve a problem that we couldn’t solve at three in the afternoon. Why?

It’s because somewhere along the way, we started believing that if we could just think hard enough, plan carefully enough, or work diligently enough, we could make everything turn out the way we wanted. And yet, no matter how hard we try, something always reminds us that we’re not in control and when it becomes obvious it is usually devastating. It is that call from the doctor or that text from one of our children. It can drop us to our knees, because we never saw it coming.

Even as a follower of Jesus, we can do everything right and still experience an outcome we never wanted, because at the end of the day we don’t have ultimate control. And that realization can be terrifying.

AND THEN JESUS SHOWS UP

Isn’t it interesting that when Jesus teaches His followers about anxiety, He doesn’t begin by giving them a better planning system? In Matthew 6, Jesus talks about some of the very things people spend their lives worrying about. And then He points to the birds.

Birds don’t plant crops, harvest fields, or store food in barns, and yet God feeds them. Then Jesus points to the flowers. They don’t work or make clothing, and yet God clothes them with extraordinary beauty. And Jesus asks a remarkable question, “Are you not worth much more than they?” Yikes!

Humanity has been trying to take God’s place since Genesis 3. And Jesus comes along and reminds us that we already have a Father who knows what we need. He isn’t telling us to stop working, planning, or being responsible. Birds still gather food. And throughout Scripture, wisdom and diligence are celebrated.

But Jesus is confronting the belief that everything depends on us. He says, “Your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.” And then, “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.”

Jesus doesn’t promise that tomorrow will be easy. He doesn’t promise that we’ll never experience loss, disappointment, or uncertainty. Instead, He invites us to trust the Father who already knows what tomorrow holds.

After all, Jesus didn’t come simply to forgive us for trying to be God. He came to bring us back into a relationship with the Father, so we can finally know the joy of being in relationship with the One who is in control of all things.

When Anxiety Starts Growing

I tend to get overwhelmed easily. My brain will focus on a conversation and I will replay the conversation in my head over and over. Pretty soon my worries have evolved like a Pokemon evolution into a whole new problem that is always bigger and scarier than the original problem.

When I find myself in that place, I try to center my thoughts on three areas:

  • What is my responsibility.
  • What isn’t my responsibility.
  • How to move forward.

Then, I make a list of what is my responsibility. I can take a shower. I can get dressed. I can spend time in God’s Word and prayer. This initial movement alone gets my brain out of the “ideating” stage where I loop stress and anxiety and helps me start taking steps forward.

What Is My Responsibility

When I start to think about the specific conversation or event that is causing me stress I try to write down the details of those events. Who is involved? What happened? What was said? Again, these steps help me identify the nuts and bolts instead of getting swept up in emotion. I call it, “Taking Inventory.”

As long as the stress stays in my head the stress is always a blob of emotion swirling around, but simply writing down the nuts and bolts of the stress help me find this stage to be more manageable. I start to catch my breath. I start to see a path forward. I start to feel a little bit of hope in an area that felt hopeless.

What Isn’t My Responsibility

At this stage it helps me to clarify what I can’t change. I can’t change how someone responds. I can’t change how they are responding to the event / conversation. But I can show up prepared. I can listen well. I can reconsider based on what I learn from this interaction.

This little exercise takes only a few minutes. I typically write it into my phone in a text or Notes App. But I can feel my physical body start to relax as I go through this process. Most of my anxiety and stress comes from different scenarios in my head that might or might not happen. Most of the time, my anxiety isn’t coming from the stress of the event, but stress from something that is only happening in my head.

How to Move Forward

Now, I can focus on doing the best work I can bring to the table. If I don’t go through this process I can get stuck. But going through this process gives me a roadmap. I might get overwhelmed again, but now I have a reference point for me to come back to and re-evaluate.

The interesting thing about anxiety is that it usually wants to pull me away from the present moment. My mind starts racing toward outcomes, assumptions, worst case scenarios, and conversations that haven’t even happened yet.

But this process helps bring me back to reality: what is actually happening? What is my responsibility? What steps can I take forward? Sometimes the situation still feels hard. Sometimes the conversation still doesn’t go the way I hoped. Sometimes I still feel overwhelmed later in the day.

But now, instead of spiraling in every direction, I can focus on the next faithful step in front of me.