Essential Parenting Truths for Today’s Struggling Families

My wife and I have worked in pastoral ministry for over 20-years. My wife has worked in personal counseling as a Licensed Professional Counselor for 10 of those years. A common theme in parenting we have noticed is that the pressure of parenting is at an all time high.

All the studies today on children show that children are feeling more pressure to succeed, they carry more anxiety, they struggle to know how to respond to challenges in life and the overwhelming answer for our children from parenting resources today seems to be on the parents doing more to help their children navigate these challenges.

Parents are already being asked to do the normal expectations of parents: provide a roof over their head, consistent income, clothes to wear, and food to eat. And now the parent is being challenged to make sure their children are in the extra-curricular activities from the age of 5 if they want to be on the “team” in high school, provide tutoring for academics, expose their children to healthy eating options, ask probing and insightful questions to help children process emotions, launch a technical division in their home to be on guard against online predators, teach their children how to process their anxiety, so that children can launch into the world as well-rounded human beings. It’s impossible!

Oh yeah, those parents are also trying to launch a successful career, build a healthy marriage, take care of their physical health, and be responsible for all the hiccups in life like flat tires, a leaking roof, and paying bills. It’s a lot!

During the pandemic my wife and I wanted to do something productive with our time, so we went through foster-training so that we could foster a child. Our biological children were in their teens, needing less of our time, so we took this as a growth opportunity for our family.

Our intent was never to adopt the child but play a small part in reunification for the family. When the social workers talked about the base level factors for reunification they said, “We are looking for 3 things in every home; roof, access to food and water, and a place to sleep.” My wife and I thought to ourselves, “We are trying way too hard as parents!”

Don’t get me wrong. I know roof, food, and bed are base level expectations for parenting but in my experience children are incredibly resilient. And the best parenting experience isn’t going to be able to create a childhood for our children that enables them to avoid every traumatic experience in life. Did you catch that?

The best parenting on the best day isn’t going to be able to avoid every difficult challenge for our children, therefore, it seems like we could put less pressure on parents and instead encourage parents with some basic principles. Here are a few that we have applied to our family. (If the average parent is trying to improve their parenting through books, podcasts, blogs, and personal reflection they are a great parent!)

Dad and mom put their hope in the Lord. It’s easy to get excited when our children start to read. We think to ourselves, “Our child might be the smartest child to ever walk the earth.” Then our children display some quality of athleticism, attraction and the excitement for our children grows and grows but one thing is sure for all parents: our children will encounter hardship in life. It might be emotional hardship, physical hardship or mental hardship. It might come early, or it might start to show signs during their early twenties. When a parent puts their hope in their children then that parent is putting their hope in shifting sand that no child is going to be able to sustain. Rejoice in your children! But, let us all put our hope in the Lord because it won’t be long until the limitations of our children will be exposed in their humanity and in that moment we will be looking for / needing something more secure than our children.
Dad and mom are committed to one another in marriage. This isn’t a magical guarantee, but if the average child gets to see a male and female experience in the home, they are gaining an incredible opportunity that will serve them the rest of their life. Can single-parents do a great job of raising children? For sure! But if you are married, or plan to get married, the best gift you can give to your child is a dad and mom committed to one another in marriage. Here’s a great resource to help strengthen your marriage!
Dad and mom are committed to furthering the family. Again, it isn’t a magical guarantee, but if the average child gets to see mom and dad working to sustain, persevere, improve, and strengthen their family unit, then they are gaining an incredible opportunity that will serve them the rest of their life. The fact that you have read this much of this article is evidence that you are committed to furthering your family! Rejoice!
Dad and mom are in a growing relationship with God through faith in Jesus. The concept of a person committing their life to Jesus implies this person has humbled themselves to admit they don’t have all the answers in life. This trait alone can do more for that child than any other belief system because the parent isn’t modeling an example of someone who has it all figured out but instead the parent is modeling an example of someone who admits they need help from Jesus. That’s the gospel!
Dad and mom have a grounded belief that God is sovereign in all things. I bet you are thinking, “I thought this was about parenting?” It is! When dad and mom are centered on some foundational areas of life, you can miss a lot of other areas of life but this one is a big one, because life is going to happen. Jobs are going to be lost. People are going to get sick. Problems are going to come up. But, when dad and mom are convinced that God is sovereign over all areas of life, even the painful parts of life, it is going to dramatically shape how dad and mom respond to those hard times and approach parenting. Here’s a great resource to help us trust the Lord in those hard seasons.
Dad and mom have a clear vision, purpose and goals for their family. Every business has stated vision and goals for why they exist as a company. Every family is a little company and the more parents can articulate why decisions are being made in the family the better it will be for their children to know the meaning behind the decisions that are being made as a family. Here’s a great resource to help with personal planning.
Dad and mom keep the main things the main things with parenting. This list is the main thing. Everything else is peripheral. Pick a school for them to attend. Encourage them in their hobbies and interests. Make sure they have a roof over their head, some clothes to wear, access to food and everything else is a flip of the coin. I can’t stress this enough. The best attempt at parenting can still create huge deficits in parenting. The parent who wants to make sure their child is encouraged in all areas of life might have a child that feels like their parents smothered them. The parent who is involved in the life of their children might have a child that felt restricted. The parent who is generous with their child might have a child that takes advantage of their generosity. The parent who is “hands-off” in discipline might have a child that needs “hands-on.” None of our children come with instructions and none of them are able to tell us what they need to help them become a fully functioning adult. It doesn’t mean all the accessories don’t matter. It just means there are too many moving parts to put too much weight into any accessory we bring into their life. Here’s a simple guide but it’s just a guide:
- 0-2: CARE (We are letting them know they are loved and cared for in life.)
- 3-5: CONSTRUCT (We want to provide a structure for children to thrive.)
- 6-11: COUNSEL (Help draw out their thoughts, emotions, and experiences.)
- 12-18: CONTEND (Fight for them to apply what you have learned as you prepare them to launch.)
Dad and mom trust that their children are His children, their story is His story. Every parent is building a story for their children from the moment they are conceived. Dad and mom are imagining graduations, parties, friends, events, weddings, romance, bike rides, vacations and some dads and moms are aware of those longings and some dads and moms aren’t aware but it is a guarantee that 100% of those longings won’t be realized. Some of that reality will happen early in life and some of that reality might happen slowly throughout the life of the child, but at the end of the day every parent has to let go of “their story” for their children and trust in God’s story for their children. It’s great to pray, plan and prepare but the parent must hold all those plans with an open hand and trust that the Lord will write a story that is better than what we had planned.
Dad and mom are thankful for every second dad and mom get with their children. Some people never get to experience parenthood. Parenthood isn’t a promise for every person. Some parents only get to experience parenthood for seconds. And some parents will get 60+ years of parenthood but the best response any parent can have is gratitude for every second.
Dad and mom must layer themselves in humility. Dad and mom are invited to faithfully build into their children but let us not think too highly of ourselves. Our children are not 50% dad and 50% mom. Our children are a collection of 400 different people in their genetic system with influences that are greater than our parenting skills. Throughout the history of Israel we see Israel received instruction from the Lord, miracles, intimacy, etc. and yet Israel turned from the Lord over and over, therefore, how much more should we not be surprised if our children will turn from our parenting at some point in life or on some level. In Judges 5 we see a practical example of some tribes of Israel who respond to God’s invitation to spiritually wake up and follow Him, and there are some tribes of Israel who stay spiritually asleep and ignore Him, therefore, how much more are we as parents to assume the same could happen with our children.

Bonus: What happens when our children turn from the Lord? When a child shows a lack of interest in the Lord the parent’s natural assumption is, “What did we do wrong?” Biblically we know it is the Lord who draws hearts. It is the Lord who opens eyes. It is the Lord who calls us to faith in Jesus but because a parent loves their child so much they will think to themselves, “If I would have / haven’t (fill in the blank) then maybe the child would have more interest in the Lord?” Maybe there are things for us to learn about our parenting choices? But we can’t dwell in this area too deeply or too frequently. Could a parent have done more? Sure! But ultimately it is the Lord who has to write that story of His grace in their life and as a parent, like our children, we are invited to put our trust in Him.

Laughs for All: Recap of Our Family-Friendly Comedy Show

If laughter is the best medicine, then our clean comedy show in January was the ultimate prescription for a night of pure joy! We kicked off the year with a packed house, an electric atmosphere, and a lineup of incredibly talented comedians who proved that you don’t need to be edgy to be hilarious.

From the moment the first joke landed, the room was filled with the kind of laughter that makes your sides hurt—in the best way possible! The comedians delivered punchlines that resonated with everyone, from young families to grandparents, all without a single awkward moment. It was proof that clean comedy isn’t just possible—it’s powerful, relatable, and downright fun. Here’s a recap video! (Click HERE)

New Show: May 10. 2025

But don’t just take our word for it! The feedback was overwhelming:

“It felt amazing to go to a comedy show where I could bring my kids and my parents and not worry about the content!”
“Who knew clean comedy could be this good?”
“This was my first clean comedy show, but it won’t be my last.

In addition, all the proceeds were committed to Love Justice International. We were able to donate $2,000 to Love Justice International! Love Justice International exists to end human trafficking around the world. Every dollar donated will be put saving lives!

But it’s not over! That’s right—if you missed January’s show, you’ve got another chance to experience the magic! Our next Clean Comedy Show is happening in May, and we’re pulling out all the stops to make it even better. Expect a fresh lineup of hilarious performers, brand-new material, and the same high-energy, family-friendly atmosphere that made January’s show such a hit.

New Show: May 10, 2025

So, whether you were there in January and can’t wait for more, or you’re ready to see what all the buzz is about, mark your calendars now! Stay tuned for ticket info and lineup announcements—this is one comedy night you won’t want to miss.

Trying Stand-Up Comedy: A Pastor’s Perspective

New Show: Clean Comedy for a Cause: January 25, 2025

In 2022 I was sitting around with some friends around a campfire and said, “I am going to try to do an open mic.” Everyone in the circle laughed at that idea so I thought I was off to a great start! I’ve worked as a pastor for 25-years and during sermons I have found moments to involve humor but I started to think to myself, “Could I make strangers laugh?”

Creating laughter in a sermon isn’t that hard. Most people in attendance on a Sunday are there to learn about God through His Word, so if the pastor says something slightly funny you can get a pretty good laugh because they weren’t expecting you to be funny. But people show up at a comedy club to laugh and laugh quickly, so I thought trying an open mic in Austin, TX would be a good challenge.

Needless to say, all of 2022 came and went and I never made any progress on that open mic. In 2023 my friend asked me again, “Have you done the open mic?” I said, “What?” He said, “You said you wanted to do an open mic, you should give it a try.” I spent all of 2023 thinking about what I would say at an open mic. It’s harder than you might think. You have 3-4. You get up on a stage. Bright lights are shining in your face and the audience has this attitude like, “Say something funny.” It’s terrifying!

In January 2024 I visited three open mics in Austin, TX; Cap City Comedy Club, Creek and the Cave, and Comedy Mothership. If you don’t know, Joe Rogan moved to Austin in 2020 and opened up Comedy Mothership, so hundreds, maybe thousands of men and women have moved to Austin to try their hand at comedy, so there are plenty of opportunities.

In January 2024 I signed up at Cap City Comedy Club and the host called my name to the stage for me to deliver 4 minutes of what I had spent 12-months thinking about and trying to come up with something funny. It was a blur!

My wife was in the audience. You can go to my Instagram Page to see some of the clips but it was a complete blur. People will tell me that it’s easy for me to try stand up comedy because I am used to being on a stage as a pastor. It is familiar but preaching a sermon and doing stand up feels completely different.

When I was done I walked off the stage and told my wife, “I don’t ever want to do that again.” She said, “Great! You tried something new!” But by the time I got to my car I thought to myself, “I bet I could come up with something funnier.” The next week I signed up again, got picked and it went worse! Honestly, the most painful experience is to stand up in a room full of strangers and try really hard to say something you think is funny and they just sit in silence. It’s horrible!

New Show: Clean Comedy for a Cause: January 25, 2025

But the same thing happened again. I got off the stage, regretted trying it again and by the time I got to my car I thought, “I bet I can figure this out.” Eventually through a conversation with another friend she encouraged me to talk about being a pastor. My first thought was, “I am never getting up in a room full of strangers and talk about being a pastor to be funny.” I didn’t want to make fun of my faith. I didn’t want to make fun of people in the room. I didn’t want to make fun of the church. But the next week I had a couple of ideas, so I signed up again, got picked again and actually got a few laughs.

Ever since then I have been trying to pull out the funny of being a pastor. Most people in Austin have never met a pastor and aren’t really sure what pastors do in their everyday lives, so it creates an opportunity for something interesting immediately.

The best part has been meeting the men and women who have moved to Austin to try stand up comedy. People are coming from all over the country and some from all over the world! It’s been pretty fun!

Right now my goal is to try an open mic once a week and try to keep coming up with ideas. 90% of the ideas aren’t funny but every once in a while I will hear a chuckle and it makes me want to keep trying. Along the way I get to talk about my faith with other comedians, answer questions about being a pastor and hopefully give people a different perspective on what it means to be a follower of Jesus.

Most Common Questions:

Are you really a pastor? Most people think I am doing a bit as a “pastor.” Making fun of Christianity / religion is pretty common at an open mic, so most people aren’t sure what to think when I stand up and talk about being a pastor.
What made you want to try stand up comedy? I wanted to see if I could make strangers laugh. It’s pretty fun!
Are you just testing out material for your sermons on Sunday? I have tried ideas from Sunday at an open mic and I have tried ideas from an open mic on Sunday morning and so far they don’t work. I tend to keep them separate.
What makes you think you are funny? I don’t know. I like to laugh. I like to be around people who laugh.
What’s your dream for comedy? I am already living my dream. I get to work as a pastor talking to people about Jesus. Being able to earn the right to do that at a comedy club in Austin would just be a bonus!
How do you reconcile being a pastor at a comedy club where people are talking about things that are offensive? Open mics might be the greatest example of free speech! People say anything at an open mic and the more shock and awe in the joke creates tension and the more tension creates an opportunity for laughter. At this point, I try not to think too much about the content and instead appreciate the man or woman trying to craft something together that could be funny.
Anyone ever told you that you look and sound like Nate Bargatze? Yes! A lot! In 2015 I would have people come up to me after a sermon and say, “Have you heard of a comedian named Nate Bargatze?” I immediately became a fan of Nate Bargatze’s comedy! But I am not trying to look or sound like him. Technically, I am older than Nate, so he looks and sounds like me, just a lot funnier and talented!
Can pastors drink beer? I get this question pretty often because open mics are at clubs / bars and I want to support these locations making space for comedy so I will try to get a beer while I am there. God’s Word is actually neutral about alcohol. Sometimes alcohol is described as a blessing / celebration and sometimes alcohol is described as a curse / grief but drunkenness is clearly contrary to God’s Word.
What’s the name of your church? It’s North Village Church.
Can I listen to any of your sermons? Sure! Here’s a link!
What kind of church do you pastor? It’s a non-denominational church. We are really big on Jesus and the Bible, so on Sundays I will teach through books of the Bible and try to go verse-by-verse, chapter-by-chapter.
Can I come to visit? This question is pretty common! Most comedians are out late on a Saturday, so to turn around and show up to a worship service on Sunday morning is a challenge but it’s been great to see new friends visit on a Sunday morning. Anyone is always invited to show up to a worship service on Sunday morning at 10:30am. We sing 3 songs, I teach for around 30 minutes and then we close with 2 more songs. We’re pretty casual, so just come in what’s comfortable for you!

New Show: Clean Comedy for a Cause: January 25, 2025

Praying for the Presidential Election

The presidential election is a pivotal event that shapes the future of a nation. As earthly citizens, we have a responsibility to participate in the election. For those who are followers of Jesus, prayer is an essential part of the election process, offering a way to seek guidance, express concerns, and pray for the well-being of the country. But how do we pray thoughtfully and effectively during a presidential election? Here are key ways to approach prayer during this significant time.

1 Timothy 2:1-3, “First of all, then, I urge that requests, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving be made in behalf of all people, 2 for kings and all who are in authority, so that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity. 3 This is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior.”

1. Pray for Wisdom

The first step in praying for an election is to seek wisdom—not just for yourself, but for all voters and leaders. It’s easy to get swept up in the emotions, partisanship, and media blitz of campaigns, but prayer can help center your mind and heart. Ask God for clarity in understanding the issues, candidates, and their platforms.

2. Pray for the Candidates

Whether you support a specific candidate or not, praying for all presidential candidates is a way to show humility and compassion toward others. Remember, candidates face intense scrutiny, pressure, and temptation. They need strength, moral stability, and guidance in their decision-making. Especially pray for the candidates to know Jesus and follow Him!

3. Pray for Unity

Elections, especially presidential ones, can be divisive. Families, friends, and churches sometimes find themselves at odds over political issues. As a follower of Jesus, we want to pray for unity. More than the next president, our country needs godly men and women who know Jesus and are following Him! Jesus is the only One who can bring true and lasting unity.

4. Pray for the Leaders Already in Office

While much attention is on the new candidates, it’s important not to forget the leaders who are currently serving and those who will continue to lead regardless of the election outcome.

5. Pray for Fairness in the Electoral Process

The integrity of the electoral process is critical for democracy. Unfortunately, there are concerns about fairness, fraud, or disenfranchisement. Prayer for justice, transparency, and fairness is vital in ensuring a smooth and just election.

6. Pray for Personal Peace and Trust in God

Amidst the tension, it’s easy to feel anxious or overwhelmed about the future of the country. Prayer can help you find personal peace, trusting that God is sovereign and in control, no matter what happens in the election.

7. Pray with an Open Heart

One of the most important aspects of prayer is humility. When praying for the election, be open to the possibility that God’s will may differ from your own preferences or expectations. Ask God to reveal His wisdom, and be ready to follow where He leads.

Conclusion: A Call for Prayerful Action!

As the presidential election approaches, prayer can play a central role in calming fears, promoting unity, and seeking God’s guidance. It reminds us that, while we have the privilege and duty to participate in democracy, the ultimate authority rests with God.

By praying for wisdom, justice, unity, and the well-being of all involved, we take a step toward creating a more peaceful, fair, and compassionate society—one where love and justice guide the way, regardless of political differences. As you pray, remember that your voice is not just heard in the voting booth, but also in the quiet moments of reflection with God.

Living Out Our Faith in Jesus with Others

Sometimes we hear people say phrases like, “It’s just me and Jesus.” Or we might hear people say, “I don’t like going to church, I just do my own thing.” It makes sense. People are messy. Sometimes I refer to people as “porcupines.” If you get close enough to people we are going to eventually “stick” one another.

But by avoiding people and avoiding the risk of getting “stuck” we are also missing out on some great moments; depth of life, depth with the Lord. One of the ways we can nurture our relationship with others is to get others involved in our relationship with Jesus.

When we read Scripture we don’t see many examples of “Jesus and me” as people grow in the Lord. We see a lot of life-on-life with a variety of different people as people grow in the Lord. In the first century, that pace of life might have been more natural but what does that look like today?

Here are six examples:

Prayer walks: Gather a few friends to go on a walk in prayer. This can be done as a group. This can be done on individual walks. This can be through praying out loud or this could be done in silence. At the end of the walk, the group can share what they heard from the Lord during the walk.
Scheduled moments of silence: Similar as above. Gather a few friends. Pick a place and time. Share with one another afterwards.
Reading Scripture: Similar as above. Gather a few friends. Read a passage. Discuss afterwards as a group.
Serving others: Starting to see a pattern? Pick a spot. Gather a few friends. Serve other people. Discuss afterwards as a group.
Fasting: Yep, you got it! Gather a few friends. Pick a time and type of fast. Pick a place to eat afterwards to break the fast and discuss.
Evangelism: When’s the last time you shared the gospel? What if you got a few friends to meet at the park or a pub and prayerfully asked the Lord to help you meet someone new so that you could simply let them know you are followers of Jesus? Who knows where the conversation might go! Oh yeah, you’re definitely going to want to discuss afterwards.

We do these types of things when we play on a team or meet as a group to read a book. Why not apply those same patterns with our faith in Jesus? If you find it difficult to grow in your faith in Jesus by yourself, then invite others to grow with you.

If you aren’t sure where to start, you can always make a post on Realm as a starter to see if anyone is interested.

Having Fun!

90% of the time when I ask a teenager to pray for something they will usually include the “having fun” in their prayer. At first glance, it could look shallow for a follower of Jesus to pray about “having fun” but “having fun” might be one of the top three things we pursue in life.

Don’t get me wrong. There are things in life that aren’t fun and those things in life should be pursued with diligence. There are times we should weep. There are times we should grieve the weight of life. We live in a broken world of pain, war, disease, famine, and heartache. There are many parts of life that aren’t fun, which is why it is more important than ever to “have fun!”

Sunday morning worship should be fun. Sharing a meal with family and friends should be fun. Trying new things should be fun. Accomplishing a difficult challenge should be fun, at least at the end!

When was the last time you spent time with friends or family and laughed? I don’t mean a meme that was shared through a text thread, which can be funny. I mean a time where you told stories and laughed, made memories and laughed.

Of course we all love when those ”belly laugh” moments of life occur organically. And if that is the pattern in your life, rejoice! But in my experience I have found that laughter doesn’t occur as organically as it did when I was younger. Instead I have to schedule in laughter. Doesn’t that sound horrible? But, it’s true. We can stick to our guns, “Laugh organically or nothing!” Or we can schedule in some fun. Here are some simple ways to schedule in fun:

Game Nights: Yes, it takes planning. Yes, it’s hard to even get 3-5 people to sync up their calendars. But it can happen! Austin even has pubs where you can get drinks, food, and board games!
Schedule A Day Off Work: I know, that sounds crazy! Take a day off work to have fun but it doesn’t make sense to keep working and never have any fun either! If necessary, take a day off work.
Invite People Over: I know, it means we have to clean our house a little but nobody expects perfection. And I know, we think our house isn’t big enough, nice enough, stylish enough or whatever “fill in the blank” that keeps us from inviting people into our home but having people over can create some of the best moments of having fun.
Coffee Before or After Worship: Gathering for worship is already in the schedule. Why not get up a little early or stay a little late to swap stories with people? If children are involved, sometimes spouses can take turns connecting with other people and the other spouse can get the children ready that morning.
Go See A Movie: I know, it might sound wild but people still like going to the movies. Plus, if you have had a long day, long week, anyone can watch a movie. Preferably a funny one!

In the end, it doesn’t matter what we do or where we go as long as we are creating opportunities for laughter and fun with one another. If you don’t feel like you are developing those types of relationships then get involved in one of our Ministry Groups on a Sunday morning. Serving together is a great way to get to know other people and most of the time we have fun when we are serving others for God’s glory.

Friends or Family?

Recently I was talking with someone and they said, “My friends are my family.” Doesn’t that sound nice? On the surface it makes sense. Our friends are the people we see more frequently. Our friends are probably the people we are more likely to ask for help. Our friends don’t have a history of awkward experiences from the high’s and low’s of life, so it makes sense why we would drift toward friends as family.

God’s Word teaches us when we come to faith in Christ we become family in the best possible sense. Our friends are often people who look like us, think like us, laugh when we laugh, cry when we cry, so many times we are attracted to friendship with other people because they are mirroring our interests and our qualities.

But the church is made up of people who are different from us. It’s what makes the local church beautiful. The church is made up of men and women, young and old, rich and poor, educated and uneducated, and not always but sometimes we will also find different ethnicities and different cultures. What a gift we have in the local church!

Check out how Luke describes this family-like support in the newly established church in Jerusalem:

All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. – Acts 2:44-46

Remember, “all the believers” in this context consisted of more than 3000 people. They weren’t all living in one house or sharing a single bank account. But they clearly did their best to remove the barriers that divided them into individual household units. They were generous with their money, their possessions, their space, and their time. And they were in and out of each other’s homes and lives.

Can you imagine what that would look like today? Being involved in our friend’s lives is probably something that happens naturally. We probably work in similar fields as our friends. We probably have similar interests as our friends. But God’s Word calls us to invest in our church family who have different interests and different backgrounds, so that we might be strengthened in our faith in Him. Here are some simple ways this could take place:

Look to meet 2-3 people on a Sunday morning.
Write down their name to help you remember.
Ask someone about their weekend.
Prayerfully consider how you might encourage someone in a meaningful way.
Pray for someone on Sunday morning.
Ask someone out to share a meal.
Invite someone to your group.
Exchange contact information with someone.
Meet someone new during the “meet and greet.”

Living like this is counter-cultural, so the first step is probably going to be getting out of our own way. After all, many of us might not even relate to our biological family or friends this way. At times, it will feel hard, inconvenient, and uncomfortable. You’ll open yourself up to rejection, you’ll get hurt, you’ll need to ask for forgiveness. All of these are signs that you’re doing it right. And, through the transition, you’ll also find life, love, security, and freedom to be your authentic self.

What Does It Mean To Be A Godly Man?

A question I am often asked by other men is, “What does it mean to be a godly man?” Is it just about reading and knowing the Bible? Is it just about character? Is it just about being able to provide godly counsel? Here is a quick outline:

Fully convinced God exists. You are convinced the God of Scripture created humanity in His own image (Genesis 1.) A part of being made in His image is that we reflect His glory, therefore, a person couldn’t possibly become a godly man without being fully convinced in God.
Sin is destructive. In Genesis 3 we see sin enter into the story of humanity so that everything and everyone we see today is fractured in sin. Do you believe this? Are you convinced of this truth at the global and personal level? You must!
Complete hope in life, death and resurrection of Jesus. Jesus is God in the flesh. Jesus has come to take our sin at the cross. Jesus has come to conquer death through the resurrection. Are you captivated by this truth? Are you in awe of this truth? (1 Corinthians 15)
Love for God’s Word. Do you love the Bible? Do you love reading the Bible? Do you love talking about the Bible? How could we become godly men if we don’t love God’s Word? (2 Timothy 2)
Obeying God’s Word through faith in Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. This is key! God’s Word isn’t about following rules. Godliness isn’t trying really hard to look like God. Godliness is walking by faith in Christ every day until we are face to face with Jesus. (Romans 1)
Convinced of stewardship. None of this world is ours. It all belongs to God, therefore, in Christ, we are all managers or stewards of resources, talents, and gifts from the Lord. The sooner a man sees himself as a steward instead of an owner, the sooner he will grow in godliness. (1 Peter 4)
Taking responsibility. We are going to fail as men. Failure is going to happen spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally; therefore, when those moments come into our life we would do well to stop making excuses and embrace responsibility. (Proverbs 28:13)
Repentance. Repentance means to acknowledge our sin and turn from our sin as we trust in Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. God’s Word teaches us it is the kindness of the Lord that leads to repentance. Repenting of sin daily is a mark of a godly man. (1 John 1:9)
Teachability. Are you able to learn from others? Are you so convinced of your wisdom that it is hard to consider others might have something better? Are you curious about life? Are you curious about others? Is there humility about you so that you are convinced that God’s glory shapes how you see yourself in Him? (1 Peter 5:5)
Servant-Leadership. Do you enjoy putting others before yourself? Do you enjoy dying to your flesh? Do you enjoy perseverance? These are all marks of godliness. Waiting to be asked. Waiting for the applause of men. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility. These are marks of spiritual immaturity. (Matthew 20:26)
Live Courageously. Take risks by faith in Jesus. Put yourself in a place that is spiritually uncomfortable. If the Lord brings an opportunity, take it! Open the Bible. Pray out loud. Volunteer to help. Give money away. Initiate that conversation with that person that you have been thinking about. Godly men walk by faith in the Lord instead of themselves. (Joshua 1:9)
Biblical view towards money. Money isn’t evil. Money is a gift to be used for His glory, therefore, learn to steward money. Learn to give money away. Learn to bless others. Learn to make as much money as you can but know that a large salary is going to take their pound of flesh. Rarely will a man get a large salary and freedom.
Friends with other men. Lone rangers are going to have a hard time building godly lives and godly character. There’s no way any one man could see all his blind-spots. He needs other men to help him grow. He needs friends that will have honest conversations with him. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
Perseverance. Life is hard. Following Jesus is hard. Living faithfully is hard. You’re going to want to quit. You’re going to want to give up. Godly men stay faithful. Godly men keep trusting the Lord. (James 1:12)

The fact you have taken the time to read this article is a sign of the Holy Spirit at work in your life. Praise God! You want to grow and mature in Christ. Praise God! God’s Word calls us to be rooted and established in our faith in Jesus. Start today!

A godly man can change the direction of friendship, change the direction of his family, change the direction of generations to come, therefore, don’t wait but seek the Lord. Start growing in Him today!

Leadership: Law of Influence

Maxwell’s definition for the Law of Influence is that “the true measure of leadership is influence nothing more, nothing less.” Ask yourself, “Who are you influencing?” It starts with self, spouse, children, extended family, co-workers, neighbors, family, etc. And what are we influencing people toward?

Leadership is often misunderstood. Here are the top 5 myths people tend to believe:

The Management Myth – Leading and managing is NOT the same! Management focuses on maintaining systems and processes. Leadership is about moving people in the right direction.
The Entrepreneur Myth – Not all entrepreneurs are good with people. If you can’t influence people, you can’t lead.
The Knowledge Myth – Just visit any university and you will find people with a high IQ or countless titles, but with an extremely low leadership level. Leadership has nothing to do with education or IQ.
The Pioneer Myth – Some believe that anyone who is out in front of the crowd is a leader. But being first isn’t always the same as leading. To be a leader, you must not just be at the front, but also have people intentionally coming behind you, following your lead and acting on your vision.
The Position Myth – As Stanley Huffty said, ‘It’s not the position that makes the leader; it’s the leader that makes the position.’ You don’t need a position to lead. And even if somebody takes away your position, they can’t take away your influence over the lives of those who follow you.

When it comes to identifying a real leader… don’t listen to the claims of the person professing to be the leader. Don’t examine his or her credentials. Don’t check their title. Check their influence. The proof of leadership is found in the followers.” He ends the chapter with a famous leadership proverb, “He who thinks he leads, but has no followers, is only taking a walk.”

There are 7 major areas you must look into to evaluate your leadership influence:

Don’t Wait for Titles: You don’t need to be in charge to influence. Imagine the person who shows up to work with a bad attitude. Are they influencing? Of course! Imagine the neighbor who goes above and beyond, not because they are on the Neighborhood Watch, but because they care about their neighborhood. Everyone loves living next to those types of neighbors.
Character: If you want to increase your leadership level, you MUST focus on character. The more consistency we have between our private life and our public life, the greater potential for influence.
Take Inventory: The more clarity we have in our spheres of influence the more likely we are to take advantage of those influencing opportunities.
Knowledge: Information is vital to a leader. Even though knowledge won’t make you a leader (see The Knowledge Myth above), it’s necessary if you want to become a great leader. Do your homework, spend time to get to know your industry, your environment, your team, your clients, as you try to lead.
Experience: When opportunities arise, say, “Yes!” Just like knowledge, experience isn’t everything but experience doesn’t hurt. The more time you have in the battle the stronger you will get in your influence.
Competency: Just like knowledge and experience, competency doesn’t determine influence but executing on objectives is going to only strengthen your potential for influence.

In the end, our greatest source of influence is through the power of the Holy Spirit. Through faith in Jesus we are reconciled to God and empowered through the Spirit to bring incredible influence into the lives of others.

Sometimes we don’t even have to say a word! Sometimes just our mere presence will bring influence toward others and it isn’t because of our knowledge, experience or character but because the grace of God moves in us and through us for His glory!

Parenting Teens with Social Media

How about those Amish? Am I right? There is no argument that social media influences people, therefore, how do parents and children interact with social media from a godly perspective? It would be easy to fall on the extremes; social media will never enter my house or be completely consumed with social media but I think God’s Word provides an answer that is a little more complicated.

The pattern throughout God’s Word is to be sent out for His glory (Matthew 28.) I understand the desire to want to buy a piece of land in the middle of nowhere and create a commune of people who will keep our children safe but we know that isn’t true or realistic for most people.

Therefore, as followers of Jesus we have to wrestle with practical decisions of how we engage the culture of our day just like Jesus did in His day. Jesus was born into a point in history, lived under the rule of a government, interacted with the culture of the day, identified Himself with an ethnicity and yet Jesus came to establish His Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven, so what does that look like for us today as we raise children and interact with social media:

What does social media look like in your life personally as a parent? How much time are you on social media? What influence does social media have on you? The more we can understand the draw and allure of social media in our own life the easier it will be to guide our children.
We never wanted to give our children the impression that we were scared of social media. Social media isn’t greater than the glory of God. Social media isn’t the forbidden fruit that our children can never see. Social media is just a device but we want to have a plan for social media.
See this as discipleship. As parents, we get to disciple our children. We get to teach them about the world. We get to show them our love for Jesus and His Word is greater than anything we will ever find on social media. Is it hard? Yeah, it’s really hard but we can either equip our children to engage technology or they will leave our house one day and the world will disciple them in technology.
Create a vision for your child’s life. Start at 18 when they launch out of the home and write down what you want them to know, capable, understand, accomplish, and then reverse engineer what you need to teach them before they launch out of your home. We re-evaluated this goal every year and it shaped how we approached their teen years. When our children reached 16-18 we were able to clearly identify, “Do these things, be responsible in these areas, you get more freedom with social media and technology.”
Give them homework to learn about social media. They will roll their eyes but we teach our children how to do laundry, how to drive cars, how to brush their teeth; why wouldn’t we teach our children about social media. See resources at the end.
Delay social media as long as possible. If your child is asking for social media at 10 push it to 12. If they start asking at 13 push it to 16. It doesn’t matter what age they start, push it out as long as possible. Our goal was for our children to not get social media until they were 16.
Delay with crumbs. Our children started asking around 10 and we said, “Yeah, maybe one day?” The next time they asked we said, “Yeah, we should talk about that.” The next time they ask, “Yeah, we need to do that.” It’s not passive. It was our plan to push them off as long as possible and then we started with baby steps. Our 14-year old daughter started with a flip phone in 2017. Yeah, she hated it. But we said, “Let’s see if you can keep up with a flip phone and in time we can upgrade.” Then we upgraded to an iPhone Touch. She didn’t like that either but at least it looked like a phone. Our son started off with an iPhone, yeah his sister was bitter, but in the beginning he could only make calls, then he could text, then he could use the web but with screen time. His freshmen of high school year he got Instagram and his sophomore year we removed screen time. Their senior year of high school we remove all oversight and want them to experience complete autonomy before we launch them into the world.
Monitor usage. Our understanding from the very beginning was that everything online was public, so we can look at your phone at any moment, which means they are responsible for the decisions they make with the phone. You can look at the search history, their timeline will show you what they like to watch, their trash to see what they deleted are just a few ways to monitor their phones. When you see something that is concerning, use it as an opportunity to draw them out and ask questions. Remember, we aren’t prohibiting social media, we are training our children how to live in a world that is full of darkness and temptation. (Also, our children, still today, have access to our phones.)
Create boundaries with social media in the home. When our children were younger they couldn’t take their phones into their room. We wouldn’t let them bring it in the car. We wouldn’t let them bring it to the table. As they get older, as they display responsibility, we allow them additional freedoms but they still can’t bring it to the table for a meal and we ask them to stay off their phones when they are in the car. Again, we give this same challenge to ourselves, and it’s hard.
Have a plan for consequences. No matter what plan you come up with there is going to be failure, therefore, taking the phone can’t be the consequence every time. Get creative. It can be running laps, doing chores, paying money, creating a do-over; but they need to see you are trying to help them learn hard lessons in life and either mom and dad can provide a little consequence or the world is going to bring a much more painful consequence.
Watch how your children interact with social media. Watch their attitude when you ask them to get offline. Watch what they look at online. Observe their attitude before and after and use those observations to have conversations with your children to help them see how social media is influencing them. At first they will say, “Social media doesn’t influence me.” But hopefully, before they launch out of our homes, they see social media’s influence.
Social media isn’t inventing new sins. Our hearts are wicked. Sin is crouching at our door to destroy us, therefore, as parents we want to teach our children how to be on guard against sin, how to see the brokenness of our souls and how to find forgiveness and strength in Jesus.
Encourage your teenagers as much as you can. You’re an adult. You see 100 things they miss, therefore, it’s really easy to focus on those 95 things they miss and overlook the 5 things they are doing really well. If they don’t believe that you are for them and are trying to help them, they really aren’t going to care what you have to say about social media.
Life isn’t just about having fun. This is a harder lesson to teach then you might imagine. We spend the first ten years of parenting telling and modeling to our children that their safety and security is our primary focus. Then, we spend the next 10 years helping them to see we won’t always be there to take care of them. It’s a difficult transition. Therefore, helping our teens to see there are responsibilities in life we need to take care of first and then we can have a little fun is a long process but we have to take care of the responsibilities first.

Lastly, if you are reading this article and you feel like it’s too late for your child! Don’t worry. It’s never too late to have this conversation with your children. Perhaps there are some habits and patterns that can be coarse corrected? Perhaps there are some conversations that need to take place?

But it’s never too late to grow in our faith in Jesus. It’s never too late to turn from darkness and turn toward the light made available in Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. It’s never too late to have a conversation with our children, so take heart, the Lord is working. Turn to Jesus and ask for His help!

Resources:

Holy Spirit. Plead for wisdom.
American Girls Social Media and the Lives of Teenagers.
Feeding the Mouth that Bites You by Kenneth Wilgus (History of teenagers in chapter 2 is helpful.)
A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Social Media by Mark Oestereicher (Chapters 4-5 are good for parents and teens to read together. Chapter 6 is good for parents.)
Screen Smart Parenting (Chapter 15 on ADHD, anxiety and how social media influences us. Chapter 16 on agreements with social media and specific ages.)
Your Identity in a Selfie World by Kristen Hatton: A short book that provides great gospel conversations over areas like comparison, body image, eating disorders, materialism, etc. (Great to read through and discuss with your teenager.)
How Children Succeed by Paul Tough
CBS: Why Can’t We Put Down Our Smartphones

Practical Steps with Grief

Over the last few years I have received a lesson in grief that I wasn’t looking to learn. My mother passed away in 2021. My brother passed away in 2022, and just recently my father-in-law passed away suddenly.

When my mother and brother passed away so close to one another I reached out to a class called Grief Share. Grief Share is located in most cities and a great resource to help people learn about grief and acknowledge grief practically.

There are 7 primary lessons I learned through Grief Share:

I learned about grief. Grief is the emotional reaction of sorrow. Sometimes grief can be brought on by loss of a loved one, physical or emotional pain or a type of suffering we might experience in life. It’s possible in our culture in the United States we are so uncomfortable with grief that we might only think of grief in the “most horrible” situations. But it would be better to see grief on a spectrum. There are different levels of grief. There are different levels of intensity as we go through seasons of grief.
Death isn’t a normal part of life. People will say things like this when you experience loss. However, the Bible teaches us that God created us to experience eternal life. Death in fact, is the result of our sin, therefore, grieving, sorrow, sadness and mourning are all appropriate ways to respond to death.
God grieves. Again, God created the world to be perfect, therefore, any death we see in the world is grieving to the Lord. So much so He took on flesh to take the ultimate death upon Himself, so that we don’t have to grieve for eternity.
We can grieve intentionally or accidentally. Grief is going to come out of our soul at some point. We can ignore, suppress, avoid, escape but at some point grief will come to the surface, therefore, don’t shy away from grief. Even scheduling moments in your day or week to acknowledge the pain of death and the hope we have in Jesus can be helpful.
Don’t try to go through grief alone. You don’t have to open your heart and mind to everyone but it is good to have a few trusted friends who will weep with you in grief. We need godly friends who will acknowledge our pain and remind us of the hope we have in Jesus.
You can get trapped in grief. Grief is alluring. There is something attractive about giving ourselves over to sadness, therefore, we want to always invite Jesus into our grief. Jesus cares about our grief. Jesus is familiar with grief and sorrow. Jesus has overcome grief, therefore, we want to grieve with Jesus.
Learn from your loss. Going through the loss of a friend or family member is difficult, but there are valuable lessons. Have you prepared necessary legal documents? The investment in a notarized will is essential. Have you communicated to your spouse about financial details? Have you had important conversations? Every day matters. Going through grief can help us appreciate every day and make the most of those opportunities.

Most of all, I have found rekindling our relationship with the Lord in the midst of grief can be the most difficult. When we experience emotional pain or loss it often touches us in the deepest part of our soul, which is many times set apart only for the Lord.

Before grief there is this deep part of our soul where only the Lord had ventured but in grief there is a pain that breaks into our soul, so that we might find it difficult to distinguish between grief and the Lord.

It’s okay. We don’t have to rush back to that place but we do want to build a process of restoring those parts of our faith. It may take time, but if we take intentional steps, we can definitely get there.

Conversations Around Homelessness

I have lived in Austin, TX since 2006 and I have noticed, as I am sure many have, homeless people are more visible in my daily routine. A few years ago I heard that Austin allowed people to panhandle at the corner, so it was more desirable for people in Dallas or Houston to make their way to Austin, because there would be more opportunities for people to get help.

Throughout the history of the United States we have had seasons where homelessness was more common. During the Revolutionary War, it was itinerant workers, the “wandering poor” of an agricultural society reliant on worker mobility.

Before the Civil War, it was unemployed mill workers, dockworkers, and miners, displaced by business cycles or changes in society caused by the introduction of a rail line or telegraph station.

After the Civil War, when a credit-fueled railroad boom went bust, breaking banks and killing jobs. Almost always, it was temporary. As soon as the economy recovered, homeless people recovered, too. They went back inside and resumed normal lives. In the meantime, there was a safety net.

Today there are over 500,000 homeless people in the United States, and the trend seems to be more than an economic struggle. Here are the top 3 reasons why people will encounter homelessness: 1. Mental health. 2. Lack of job opportunity. 3. Lack of affordable living.

The challenge of mental health is interesting because our mental health facilities in the United States have experienced considerable transition. In the 1800’s we had state hospitals that are funded by state resources. However, in 1946 Life Magazine publishes photos depicting the horrors inside the hospitals and as a result those facilities began to close down.

Most of the momentum took place under the Community Mental Health Act in 1963 as John F Kennedy set out to improve the resources that were being made available but unfortunately those improvements never came. Instead facilities kept closing and nothing came in their place.

Today the need for mental health is higher than it has ever been, and instead of a centralized effort to serve these people we see a patched work effort by multiple groups that are doing the best they can to make a difference.

But what does this mean for us as followers of Jesus?

A quick glance of the Bible and we see a variety of stories around homelessness. Abraham left his home. Moses fled his home. Israel wandered in the wilderness. Ruth moved after her husband died. David hid in caves. Jesus and his family fled persecution. The Apostle Paul essentially went from city to city proclaiming the name of Jesus.

Even through the lens of the gospel, this home isn’t our home but we are citizens of heaven. God’s call on our lives as followers of Jesus is to never get too comfortable with our homes here on earth but instead we are called to give up our earthly treasure, pleasure and leisure for His glory.

The reason the Bible talks so much about homelessness is because homelessness is NOT the way it’s supposed to be. Homelessness is a picture of what happens when we turn from God and do what is right in our own eyes. As a result we are on our own, left to defend for ourselves but the good news of Jesus is that He doesn’t leave us that way.

The hope of Jesus is that He provides a way for us to come home by grace through faith in Jesus. We not only get to come home but we get to invite others into His home with us! We get to extend our love, time, wealth, and comfort toward others because we who are in Christ know what it is like to be homeless and return home.

What does that look like in our lives today? It’s likely different for everyone. It might be giving a carebag to someone at the corner. It might be inviting a stranger to a worship service. It might be praying for someone. It might be buying a meal for someone. It might be giving someone financial help. It might be pointing someone to resources and support in our city.

Are we going to see overnight transformation in those moments? Maybe not but Jesus’ life, death and resurrection turned our eviction from heaven upside down. Let’s point ourselves and others toward that same hope.

John 14:2-3, “My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

How Do You Build a Successful Life?

How many times have you been driving down a bumpy road and thought your car was about to fall apart? Sometimes the car hits one of those bumps and you feel the frame of the car slam into the wheels and you are convinced your car is about to fall apart! In those moments you need good shocks that can absorb the bumps of the road.

In the same way, life can be like those bumpy roads. It can be a call from a doctor, an argument with your spouse, a meeting with your supervisor, a late night of waiting for that teenager to send in an update about where they are; life can get really bumpy.

How are we supposed to enjoy life if there are so many bumps in the road? Are we supposed to move out into the middle of nowhere? Wait! There’s tons of bumps in the road in the middle of nowhere 🙂

Sometimes a person can become so fatigued by the challenges of life they try to reduce the amount of possibilities. We cut off friends. We break off relationships. We build a fortress of solitude around ourselves and still challenges in life will break in and create some bumps. What do we do?

The universities don’t teach how to absorb those challenges. Our careers might give us some coping skills but even our careers won’t help us when it feels like the world is being pulled out from under our feet. Copy and paste these somewhere to help you remember:

1. Do you believe God Is Sovereign? The word “Sovereign” means “Control.” Do you believe God is in control of all things? Do you believe God is with you always? What was Joseph believing when he was being betrayed by His brothers? What did Jacob believe when he was working for a wicked uncle? What was David believing when he was hiding in a cave after being anointed to be king? What did Paul cling to when he was in prison, shipwrecked, beaten, bitten by snakes and left to die? What did Jesus hold on to when the Father’s will was for Him to be spit upon, beaten and put on a cross? It is the follower of Jesus who goes through the ups and downs of life but you keep trusting your Heavenly Father because He is in control. (Romans 8)

2. Is your ultimate hope growing in God’s glory? The Apostle Paul wrote, “The sufferings of this world are not worthy to be compared to the glory that is to be revealed.” James teaches us to consider the sufferings of our day to be joy in light of God’s glory. Do you glory in His glory? Do you believe if the Lord only brought you hardship and pain in this life, He is still worthy to be praised? Do you believe the words of Habakkuk, “Thou there be not fruit on the vine, nor food in the stall, I will exalt you!” Do you believe what this world has to offer is not the best this life has to offer? When you turn your trust to His glory it will carry through any pain this world has to offer.

3. Are you celebrating God’s goodness in your life today? Right now! You woke up this morning. You just took a breath. You have people in your life. You have talents and gifts. You have challenges to persevere! And most of all, through faith in Jesus, He calls you His for eternity! You might not make it to tomorrow. You might not make it home today! Therefore, rejoice in the Lord today! Write down His blessings in your life. Recount them every day. Tell Him of all His goodness. Hug the people around you. Write a note of encouragement. Send that text. Laugh with those people. Enjoy the work of your hands. Why worry about tomorrow? Instead, enjoy more today!

4. Are you putting yourself in a place to be captivated by His presence? The glory of the Lord is around you at all times. He hears our prayers. He intercedes on our behalf. He speaks encouragement into our soul. He is our helper. He is our comforter. In every storm of life, He is there, He is working and He is good.

Wind and waves come in life but there is only one who rebukes the wind and the waves. He was there with Moses. He was there with Joseph. He was with David. He was next to Esther in those moments when she uttered those timeless words, “For such a time as this.” But you need shocks to make it in this life.

What About Masturbation?

I am not necessarily looking to talk about a subject that is uncomfortable for everyone but an older man once said to me, “In the absence of saying nothing, people fill in their own answers.”

There was a season of life where I thought, “We don’t need to talk about this subject in mass communication do we?” Sure, we can talk about it at a Men’s Group here and there but not to the congregation at large, right? But in the absence of saying nothing, people fill in their own answers and that truth is more applicable today than ever.

First, let’s make sure we are all on the same page. Masturbation is the experience of sexual orgasm produced by self-stimulation. Virtually every man and woman has tried it in some capacity.

Second, this is a blog that we try to keep concise. Please don’t look at this article as the beginning and end of the conversation. Please search the Scriptures, wrestle with this subject and seek godly counsel in the process.

Third, the Bible doesn’t mention masturbation or self-gratification specifically. There are passages that some will reference like Genesis 38 and “spilling of the seed.” However, the sin of Onan is because he refuses to provide an heir for his deceased brother, not masturbation.

Another passage is Matthew 5 when Jesus speaks of cutting off your right hand if it causes you to sin. While there is a connection between lustful thoughts and masturbation, it isn’t likely Jesus had masturbation in mind specifically, therefore, there isn’t necessarily a specific verse for us to reference.

Fourth, we do know God created sex to be good. In Genesis 1-2 we see Adam and Eve were naked, unashamed and called by God to be fruitful and multiply to His glory. Our sexual desires were created to be good and glorifying to God.

However, in Genesis 3 our sin completely distorts what God created to be good but Jesus has come to reconcile us to God through faith and restore a biblical view of sex, which is designed by God to take place within the commitment of marriage between a man and a woman.

Therefore, how do we live in that restoration today? How do we experience healing in this area of our life? What does that healing look like practically? Here are some thoughts to consider:

What do we do with all those sexual desires? Sometimes we just think God created our arms, legs, head, torso and our genitals appeared there by accident. But God created our body parts to do what they do and feel what they feel, therefore, we must be asking, “How do we steward these sexual desires for His glory?”
What about pornography? The biggest challenge with masturbation is it is often associated with pornography. Any time we are dabbling in any type of sexual immorality we are wondering outside of God’s design of sex. 10-years ago people outside of Christ would have gloried in pornography but today, even people outside of Christ recognize the dangers of pornography.
Will the desire for masturbation go away when we are married? Although marriage is a gift, the gift of marriage won’t remove the temptation of masturbation because our sexual desires are ultimately desires for intimacy at the deepest part of our soul. Therefore, when our thoughts are wandering toward masturbation it might be because we are lonely, stressed, overwhelmed and masturbation might seem like a quick way to gratify those needs but ultimately, in those moments, our soul is longing for intimacy with our Creator and it would be better to see these desires as reminders that our soul is longing for something more.
If I am married, should I talk to my spouse about these desires? 1 Corinthians 7 teaches us that a wife doesn’t have the right over her body but her husband and her husband doesn’t have the right over his body but his wife, therefore, in marriage, masturbation is a conversation that would be great to take place between husband and wife and not something we want to keep in secret.
Isn’t this just a personal decision? Sometimes we might tell ourselves, “Well, I will just meet this sexual desire quickly, so I don’t get entangled in other desires.” Giving ourselves over to one fleshly desire isn’t the way to overcome other fleshly desires. Perhaps it would be better to confess those desires to Jesus and ask for His help? Perhaps Jesus can meet us in those desires in ways we could never imagine?
What if pornography and lust isn’t involved? It’s possible. But I am not sure God’s Word gives us a wide open door here. In that process we are still training our flesh. We are training our bodies to experience immediate gratification. There are chemicals being released in those moments and those chemicals create attachment, therefore, we want to be mindful that we aren’t simply giving ourselves over to our desires.
Is masturbation disgusting? It’s possible you have heard this subject discussed in a tone of the “worst thing possible.” Any desire to overcome the desires of the flesh should be seen equally. Our hope is that Jesus has come to cleanse us of our sin, we are indwelled by the Holy Spirit and empowered by the Spirit to live godly lives in Him.
What if masturbation is a pattern in my life that is out of control? The first step is to invite Jesus into this conversation through confession, repentance and forgiveness. In addition, it would be good to invite a friend or two into this conversation as well. 1 John teaches us to bring our offenses into the light so that we might find healing. Start there!
What about past memories that keep popping into our minds? Jesus has come to make us new. We aren’t made clean in Christ because we are physically or sexually pure. We are made clean through faith in Jesus. We are given new eyes, new minds, new thoughts. Ask Jesus to renew your mind in this area of life and remove those memories.
Are there any resources to consider? There are some great resources to consider. It’s possible you might feel overwhelmed and need immediate support. Please reach out to someone for help or contact one of these organizations. (1.) https://puredesire.org/ (2.) https://samsonsociety.com/ (3.) https://www.bebroken.org/

If you feel out of control in this area, you’re not alone. We live in a sexualized culture that can seek out any thought with a touch of a button. Our hope isn’t to physically overcome these desires on our own. Our hope is to find the greatest intimacy we could ever imagine in Christ.

Therefore, rejoice, the Spirit is already at work as you consider these things. Next, invite Jesus into this conversation. And then consider reaching out to a friend for encouragement as you explore, “What’s shaping your thoughts? What’s feeding your desires? How might you respond to these challenges in life in a different way?”

Are you becoming a dangerous leader or a biblically dangerous leader?

There are some leaders who want all the attention, overlook the needs of others, not really interested in the glory of God but love the idea of titles, making decisions and everyone respecting them. It’s the difference between a dangerous leader and a biblically dangerous leader for God’s glory!

Malachi 1:6, “‘A son honors his father, and a servant his master. Then if I am a father, where is My honor? And if I am a master, where is My respect?’ says the Lord of hosts to you, O priests who despise My name. But you say, ‘How have we despised Your name?’”

In the book of Malachi the people of Malachi’s day are living through a difficult season. Their morale is low, their souls are depleted, they have lost optimism in the Lord, and their worship in the Lord is waning so much that He brings rebuke in chapter 1 to their spiritual leaders.

Up to this point the people of Israel have grown up hearing great things about the Lord through leaders like Abraham, Moses, David, Sampson, but lately the stories haven’t been that great.

Lately they have heard about the Assyrians, a wicked people who take the 10 tribes to the north into captivity. Then, Babylon, another wicked people who take the 2 tribes to the south into captivity. Then, Persians, another ungodly people who take out the Babylonians and issue a decree allowing Israel to return home, which is great, but Israel is having to start all over.

They are having to rebuild their homes, restart their economy, re-establish their community, and they are still living under the oppression of the Persian government, so that their awe and worship of God is waning and it is trickling down into their relationships with one another. But, there is HOPE.

In Malachi 3 the Lord reminds them of His unending love, therefore, we are called to give our lives completely to Him, and when we give our lives to the Lord we will become a biblically dangerous leader for His glory. Here are 11 practical characteristics:

Make a pact with God to meet with Him daily. The Lord is worthy of our lives, therefore, we give ourselves to Him every day through the reading of His Word and prayer.
- When you read the bible ask these questions, “What does the passage teach me about the character of God? What does the passage teach me about the brokenness of humanity? How does the passage expose our need for Jesus?”
- When you pray add these elements into prayer:
  - Adoration: Awe of God.
  - Submission: Submit to His will.
  - Trust: Ask for His help to trust Him.
  - Confession: Confess areas of sin.
  - Protection: Ask for help to be on guard against the evil one.
Develop an excitement for His kingdom, rather than your kingdom. Our kingdoms are small, short-sighted, and filled with anxiety. His Kingdom is eternal, diverse, and filled with power and joy. Seek His kingdom!
Persistent growth in personal character rather than building your reputation. Confess sin daily. Uproot idols with the gospel daily. Build godly relationships with other men and women who are wanting to grow in godliness. Read God’s Word. Stop making excuses. Take responsibility. Grow in character!
Expect life to bring challenges. Life is difficult. Build your life in preparation for that difficulty. Roll with the punches. Tons of people can get excited for a season, but length of time is what makes you dangerous.
Raise up others to be a biblically dangerous leader. Pour into people. Resist the temptation of just being satisfied with people hearing what you have to say about life. Pour into people who will pour into people.
Love repentance. Love confessing sin. Love being in awe of the cross. This is what makes you the most dangerous, because you can’t believe that God would love someone who is layered in as much death and destruction as you are in life.
Rejoice in God’s grace in the life of others. Don’t give into a competitive attitude with others. Run your own race. You aren’t trying to beat out the guy next to you. You are learning about your gifts and talents that the Lord has uniquely given to you and you are doubling down on those gifts and talents. It is easy to become critical of others but instead it would be better to be known for being an encourager of others.
Celebrate little things. Life is hard. There are going to be tons of misses. If we are going to aim for becoming a biblically dangerous leader then we are going to run hard and the best medicine for running hard is celebrating little things.
Love rest. The Sabbath is ultimately in the cross, but a biblically dangerous leader loves the idea of everything not resting on your shoulders. You know how to turn it off. You know how to nap. You know how to walk with peace. You know how to be still and know that the Lord is the Lord.
Don’t get swept up in the latest fads. The cross is the coolest thing ever. A new pastor, a new book, a new -ism, a new-est is just going to come and go, but you are always going to be in awe of the cross.

Value people. Do you care about people? All people are made in God’s image, therefore, a biblically dangerous leader cares about people. You care about how you build relationships with people. You are curious about their story. You don’t people walking away from their time with you thinking about YOUR GLORY but instead you want people to walk away and think, “I want to go read the Bible, I want to share the gospel, I want to be a better spouse. I want to know GOD’S GLORY!”